le jeu de la grossesse
by TucksonFan
Summary: Life is full of surprises, and this one is about to throw Olivia Benson and Ed Tucker into a storm they aren't sure how to navigate. Will they come out safe on the other side? #tucksonbaby
1. Chapter 1

**_I've been a lurker for a bit, and recently decided to create an account so I could write my own story. As you can tell from my name, I am a HUGE Tuckson fan. I never thought I'd see the day I'd be shipping Olivia Benson and Ed Tucker, but here I am. I love the chemistry they have, though I wish the show would give us a little background on just HOW that happened._**

 ** _I've read so many great Tuckson fics and have enjoyed all of them. I really wanted to go in a new direction with one though, and so here is my take. A Tuckson baby has been asked for, though rarely written for logistical reasons, but I decided to go for it. I love my angst though, so don't expect all to be happy-go-lucky._**

 ** _This is my first published story, so of course I'd love some reviews. Thanks!_**

She stepped out of the steaming-hot shower, wrapping the plush pink towel around her. It was late, something that she'd become accustomed to in her career, but she had to admit she wished she could get home sooner most days. Her son was sound asleep by the time she arrived home, having been tucked in by the babysitter hours before, and her boyfriend had called more times than she could count wanting to come over and stay the night. They hadn't seen one another in almost a week, both of them being caught up with cases at work, and she missed him. She'd returned his call on her way home, and even though she was tired, she was eager to feel him next to her, regardless of the fact that it would make for an even later night than she'd anticipated. It had been almost a month since their week-long trip to Paris, and she had to admit she didn't like being away from him now. That week of being together, day-in and day-out had been blissful in a way she'd never expected and it was hard to go back to the everyday now that they were home in New York. They'd talked about moving in together, and he wanted her to move to his large brownstone in Brooklyn, but she didn't want to uproot her son and the thought of the three of them in her cozy Manhattan apartment sounded appealing to her, but crowded to him. Maybe they were too old and too set in their ways to ever be more than they were right now, but she didn't want to think about that. She'd waited a long time for this kind of relationship and she wasn't giving up on it so easily.

"Olivia…" his voice trailed in from the living room, and she heard his footsteps come closer. He pushed open the bathroom door, smiling at the way she stood in front on the mirror, wiping the steam off with her hand. "I missed you," he said gently, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed her neck and she giggled, turning around and kissing him long and hard on the lips. When she pulled away he fanned himself with his hand and laughed, "It's like a sauna in here."

She laughed, noticing the beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip. "I'll be out in a minute," she offered. "You can go wait for me in bed."

"Maybe I want to carry you to bed," he suggested, wrapping her in his arms once more, and nibbling on her ear. "Tear this towel right off and have my way with you."

"Let me finish in here," she said, reaching for her birth control pills and popping one in her mouth, before putting a spritz of cleanser on her face, following it with a dab moisturizer and smoothing it into her skin.

"You know, you don't have to use those," he said seriously.

"Yes I do," she chuckled. "I don't want to look like someone's grandmother when my only child is still a toddler." She continued to massage the cream into her face. "The cleanser gets all the gunk out without drying my skin and the moisturizer fills in my wrinkles and prevents new ones. I feel guilty enough that I let the sales lady talk me into this when I was shopping in Paris, and I spent a small fortune on this beauty routine. The least you can do is appreciate it," she teased.

"Not the moisturizer," he sighed. "The pills. You don't need them."

She felt a lump form in her throat and turned to look at him. Surely he wasn't trying to tell her he wanted a baby. She hoped he wasn't, because there was no way that was going to happen at this point in her life. There was a time she would have been thrilled at the suggestion, but not now. That dream was long gone. "Ed…" her voice quivered. "You don't want…" she wasn't sure how to go on. "I mean, I think I'm too old…we can't…"

His eyes widened when he realized what she was thinking, "Oh God no…" he sputtered. "I didn't mean that. I'm fifty-five years old. I don't want a baby, Liv…trust me on that."

"Oh," she breathed a sigh of relief, and yet felt a small ache as well. "Well, you said I should stop birth control, so…"

"I meant, you don't need birth control pills, because…" his voice shook a little. He'd been waiting to tell her this and he wasn't sure why. He should have told her earlier, but he was afraid he wouldn't be able to explain the situation and it would lead to a fight. "I had a vasectomy…years ago…so…"

"A vasectomy?" she looked confused. "Why would you do that?"

He shrugged, knowing the question was coming, but hoping he could get by with as little an explanation as possible, "My ex and I, we didn't need to be parents."

She nodded, "Well, I don't just take the pills to prevent pregnancy," she explained and he knew she understood not to ask more about his reasoning. "I had a pregnancy scare a few years ago, and my doctor said it was perimenopause, so she started me on the pills to help with the symptoms. Before the pills, my periods were always late, and when I did have one it was painful and I had hot flashes and nausea some months. The pills just regulated everything. Made my hormones more balanced so I felt like myself again." She sighed, "When I saw her last week, she suggested going off of them, just to see if I'm actually in menopause now," she bit her lip, "but I'm kind of scared to."

"Why?" he asked. "If you feel bad off of them you can always go back on them."

She shrugged, "What if I feel fine? What if I'm really menopausal? I feel so old…"

"Olivia, you are not old," he leaned forward, kissing her softly. "You're sexy, and beautiful, and an amazing mother and cop…" he pulled her close and let her towel slip to the floor. "And I'm one lucky son of a bitch…"

"You are pretty damn lucky," she teased, "but so am I. You wanna carry me to the bedroom now?" she asked, but instead of answering he swept her off her feet.

The next morning she opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Ed, perched on the side of the bed, watching her sleep. " _Bonjour, mon amour…_ _embrasse-moi_ " she whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her. She knew he'd been mesmerized by her ability to speak fluent French while they were in Paris, so she liked to throw it into their daily conversation where she could now.

"I wish I had time to do more than kiss you," he said seriously as he stood to his feet, grabbing his clothes from the floor, slipping on his black trousers. "I just got called in…"

She looked at the clock on the side table, "There's a hostage situation at five in the morning?" she groaned, leaning back against the bed. His switch from internal affairs to hostage negotiation had proven to be more demanding than either of them had anticipated.

"It's a domestic," he said, buttoning the last button on his shirt and kissing her one last time. "Times like this, I really wish we were back in Paris."

"Me too. Maybe we can retire there… _parler français dans notre vieillesse_ " she suggested with a chuckle. "Be careful," she squeezed his hand. "See you tonight?"

He nodded, "Yeah…I'll be here. I promise."

She watched as he walked out the door and she let out a deep sigh. She hated seeing the man she loved leave for a case, because she never knew if he would come back to her. It scared her, and she knew he felt the same way when she was called away in the middle of the night.

She wanted to go back to sleep, but decided to go to the bathroom first. As she stood at the sink washing her hands, she stared at herself in the mirror. She was tired, but the new cleansing routine did seem to be working because she thought her skin looked better than it had in years, and the dark circles around her eyes had disappeared. Maybe she could pass for the mother of a three year old instead of his grandmother, if she kept this up. She reached for the cleanser, noticing her pack of birth control sitting beside it. "Why on earth would you have a vasectomy?" she asked, thinking of their conversation the night before. Ed was good with kids. He loved Noah. He would have made a good father, but he obviously had reasons to think otherwise, and now they were long past that anyway. She sighed, picking up the pills and tossing them in the trash. He was right when he said she didn't need to worry about being older. Maybe menopause would be a blessing…no more periods or cramps or inconvenience. "Mama…"Noah's small voice forced her to turn to the doorway, where her son stood in his dinosaur pajamas, rubbing his eyes. "I go potty…" he said, and she knew she wasn't going to get the chance to go back to sleep this morning.

 _Eight Weeks Later…_

The ring-tone woke him and he sat up, realizing it was her phone and not his. Olivia was perfectly still, her head buried in the pillow and he knew she didn't hear it. He nudged her, "Liv…wake up…it's your phone…" and he was surprised when she didn't budge. "Olivia…" he said, louder, reaching over her and grabbing the phone from the night-stand. "Benson's phone…" he answered, stifling a yawn as he realized the clock read 3:27. "Yeah…she's asleep," he explained to Fin who was calling to ask Olivia to meet him at Mercy Hospital with a victim. "I don't know, she's been exhausted lately…I think she's working too hard. I'll get her up and have her call you when she's on her way." He tossed the phone back on the nightstand and turned his attention to Olivia who hadn't moved in spite of the noise. "Liv," he said, shaking her until she opened her eyes. "Hey, sleeping beauty…" he teased. "Fin called. Needs you to meet him at Mercy."

She sat up, yawning and he couldn't help but realize she looked more groggy than usual. "God…" she groaned miserably. "I'm so tired."

"Yeah…" he said, reaching forward and kissing her on the cheek. "You've been tired every day for over a week. Are you feeling okay? You seem a little run down."

She shrugged, "I think I'm getting my period. I'm crampy and tired. I'm sure that's all it is. Off the birth control pills, my PMS was always a bitch. Be glad you haven't had to deal with it before now."

"You haven't had your period since you went off them," he reminded her. "I thought maybe this was it for you. Maybe you need them after all."

She ran her fingers through her hair and stood to her feet, "This is how it was before. It would come late and hurt like hell. I was kind of hoping too…it'd be nice not to have to worry about it anymore." She grabbed a pair of slacks from the closet and slipped them on, followed by a green blouse. She put her hand to her stomach and exhaled slowly.

"Liv?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah…I just feel a little queasy all of the sudden."

"Maybe you should call Fin and tell him you can't make it," he suggested. "I'm sure he can handle this on his own, and you might be getting sick. Remember how many kids from Noah's daycare were sent home last week, and you spent your day off volunteering there. You probably caught something."

"I don't get sick," she insisted. "It's PMS. Once I start my period, I'm asking the doctor to put me back on my birth control…then I'll be back to my normal self," she leaned forward, kissing him good-bye. "Can you take Noah to daycare?" she asked.

"Sure," he agreed. "Be safe…I'll see you later tonight?"

She nodded, "I'll try to get home early."

Olivia pushed through the revolving door into the emergency room of Mercy Hospital. Fin jumped to his feet, "Where the hell have you been?" he grumbled. "I called almost two hours ago."

"I'm sorry…" she sighed, not wanting to tell him she was late because she'd had to pull over to throw up three times. "Traffic…"

"The vic is a 37 year old mother of three. She's beaten pretty badly…they didn't let me talk to her long before they had to take her into emergency surgery. They're still working on her," he looked at her disheveled appearance. "Hey…are you okay? You don't look so good."

She nodded, "Yeah…I'm tired…that's all…"

He looked into her red-rimmed eyes, "Were you drinking last night?" he asked. "Because if so…maybe you shouldn't be here…"

"What?" she shook her head. "No, of course not. I hardly ever drink anymore. I think I might have caught a bug, probably from the time I spent volunteering at Noah's daycare last week…I feel a little bit off…" and suddenly she felt more than a little off, her face turning to a sickly gray as she rushed to the ladies room, leaving Fin staring in wonder.

When she emerged from the ladies room a while later, Fin was sitting in the waiting room and she walked over to sit next to him, "Any word on our victim?" she asked, trying to avoid the conversation that was sure to take place.

He shook his head, "She's still in surgery." He took a sip of his coffee before sitting the cup on the table and turning to look at her, "You feeling better?"

She nodded, "Yeah…sorry about that," she sighed. "I guess I felt worse than I thought."

"Maybe you should have a doctor check you out," he suggested, looking around the waiting room. "We are in a hospital."

"I don't need a doctor," she insisted. "I have a bug."

"You should at least head home then," he offered. "I can handle things here and you need some rest," he looked her over. "Damn…you really look like shit, Liv."

"Gee, thanks," she sighed, noticing the nurse walking over to them.

"Are you the police?" the nurse asked and Olivia and Fin stood to their feet, walking toward her, but before she knew what hit her Olivia felt the room spinning around her, and everything went dark as she fell into Fin's arms.

She wasn't sure how long it had been when her eyes fluttered open, but Ed was standing over her and he smiled when he saw she was awake, "Decided to join the land of the living, huh?" he teased. "How're you feeling?"

She forced herself into a sitting position and looked around the room, the stark-white hospital walls staring back at her and an IV dripping slowly into her arm. "What happened?" she asked, her voice dry and gravely.

"You fainted," he told her. "The doctor says you're dehydrated…so they are giving you some fluids. They took some blood, but the results aren't in yet. Probably the flu."

"When did you get here?" she asked, leaning back against her pillow, too tired to sit up anymore.

"Just a little bit ago," he explained. "I was dropping Noah off at daycare when Fin called me. He said you were throwing up before you blacked out. Why didn't you just come home if you felt so bad?"

"I thought I'd be okay," she insisted.

"Well, I'm glad you were here since you passed out," he nodded. "But once they release you, we're going home and I'm tucking you into bed, and you are staying there until you're all better…no matter how long that takes."

"I think I feel better," she exhaled slowly. "The IV fluids must be doing their trick."

"Well, you're still coming home," he insisted. "You need to rest."

There was a slight tap at the door and they both turned to see a young doctor making his way toward them, "Ms. Benson…nice to see you awake," he said gently. He looked at Ed and smiled, "Could you give us a minute?"

Ed nodded, but Olivia stopped him, "No…he can stay." She smiled. "He needs to hear that I'm fine, so he can stop worrying."

The doctor smiled sincerely, "You are fine," he said, and turned to Ed. "She's fine."

"Thank God," Ed sighed, sitting in the chair next to her. "Now will you tell her the flu is nothing to mess around with and she needs to get home and rest?"

The doctor shifted nervously, "Ms. Benson, the flu is nothing to mess with…but you don't actually have the flu."

"What?" Ed asked curiously. "You said she was dehydrated from vomiting and she probably had the flu."

"She is dehydrated," the doctor explained, turning his response to Olivia, "How long have you been feeling sick? The vomiting…how long has that been going on?"

"Just today," Olivia answered, knowing she wasn't being completely honest. She'd felt sick for a while, and actually threw up a few days earlier, but she'd blamed than on her breakfast tasting funny. "Well…once last week…but it was worse today. Why? Is it something serious?"

"Well, we ran some tests and I was a little surprised by the results. Your records say you're 47 years old, but…" the doctor looked serious. "Have you been undergoing fertility treatments?"

"What?" Olivia asked. "Of course not."

The doctor nodded, "Your hcg levels are through the roof. It seems like an unlikely scenario, but the tests indicate that you're pregnant." The color drained from Olivia's face and she stared at the doctor in disbelief. Then she turned to Ed, who looked like he might be the next one in the room to throw up and pass out.

"That can't be right," her voice shook. "I'm way too old…"

"I had a vasectomy…" the words sputtered out of Ed's mouth and he looked at Olivia, lying in bed looking white as a ghost and he knew she felt the same way he did. This had to be a mistake.

"When was your last menstrual period?" the doctor asked, marking her chart.

Olivia shrugged, "Over two months ago…but I was on birth control. I went off it a couple months ago because I wanted to see if I my perimenopausal symptoms were gone. I can't be pregnant."

"When was your vasectomy?" he turned to Ed. "How long ago?"

"Uhm…1989…" his voice shook. "When I was still married to my ex."

"That was almost thirty years ago," the doctor explained. "Today, we are very diligent in how we cut and seal the vas deferens, but back then…it was really just a quick snip. We've found many older vasectomies have grown back over time." The doctor marked something else on the chart, "I can tell this is unexpected news. I'm going to give you two some time to talk, and I'll be back in an hour or so to do an ultrasound. We need to figure out how far along you are so we can decide how to proceed."

"Thanks," Olivia managed to force the word out of her mouth as the doctor disappeared into the hall. She didn't know what to think or how to react, and before long she felt the warm tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Ed's voice quivered. "Liv…I really thought I was sterile. I would never have asked you to stop taking your pills…" Her tears turned into sobs and he sat next to her on the bed, holding her close, "Maybe it's a mistake," he grasped.

"It's not a fucking mistake," she sputtered. "I've had all the symptoms…I just thought it was my hormones screwing up from stopping my birth control. What the hell are we going to do? What if there are complications? I'm too old for this."

"You're too old? At least you're still under fifty." he cringed. "What about me? I'm closer to sixty than fifty…the kid can just call me grandpa…"

"This isn't funny. It's not a game, Ed," she looked sadly at him, and she knew he wasn't joking. "This is a baby…and I don't know if I can do this now. There was time I would have done anything for this chance…but now…"

"We can't have a baby, Liv," his heart ached, but his voice was serious and stern. "We really can't."

She sniffled and cleared her throat, "Well, I don't think we have a choice now, do we?"

 _ **Shall I continue?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Well, I certainly did not expect to get twenty-some reviews on the first chapter of my first ever story. What a shock that was! I am so glad you all seem to be enjoying it, even if some thought it was unrealistic. Like I said, it may not be something that would happen, but I decided to go with it. That's what fanfiction is for, right?**_

 _ **I am warning you that this chapter may go in a direction you don't expect, but remember I warned you about the angst. Hopefully it doesn't turn you off, because this isn't the end and there is much more that can go wrong or right in this scenario. I have a plan. :)**_

 _ **Thanks again for the marvelous reviews. Please continue letting me know your thoughts. I'm sure you'll have plenty after this chapter. Hopefully you like it. *fingers crossed***_

 _ **I'm also open to suggestions, because hey, just because I think I know where this is going doesn't mean I'm right. Someone might have a brilliant idea that changes the whole thing.**_

They sat in silence, neither one knowing what to say. Olivia had stopped crying, but her cheeks were smudged with tear-stains. She looked at Ed, sitting stiffly in the chair next to her bed, scrolling through his phone as if they weren't on the verge of a drastic life change that would either tear them apart or tie them together for all eternity. His face was void of any true emotion, and she couldn't tell if he was angry, scared, or both. She knew she was more shocked than anything, so she assumed that was probably the case with him as well. They'd work things out. They had to. They loved each other and they'd love this baby. They were going to be a family and she longed to hear him say that to her…it would bring her the comfort she needed.

"Can you help me up?" she asked, shifting her legs to the side of the bed. She knew she shouldn't stand on her own after her dizzy spell earlier, even though she felt better now. The last thing she wanted was to faint again. "I'm afraid my legs are still a little weak."

"Where are you going?" he asked, looking up from the phone, but not moving from his seat.

"I have to pee," she said quickly. "I want to go before the doctor gets back." Ed nodded, standing to his feet and helping her stand. Her legs felt unsteady, but otherwise she was fine.

"Do you need help getting to the bathroom?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head and walked toward the small bathroom.

"I think I'm gonna go get some coffee," he said, walking toward the door. "It's been a crazy morning…you want some?"

She stopped at the bathroom door and stared at him, "I don't think I'm supposed to be drinking coffee," she reminded him.

"Oh…" he sighed. "Right…I mean…do you want anything else? I just need to get out of here for a little while. Is it okay with you if I leave for a bit?"

She nodded, "Yeah…it's okay…and I don't want anything."

"Do you need me to stay until you get out of the bathroom?" he asked. "You're not gonna faint again are you?"

She shook her head, "I'm fine. Go," then she paused. "Ed…are you coming back for the ultrasound? The doctor should be back in a while."

"I'll be here," he promised. Then he walked out the door.

He waited in line for the coffee, not really caring that it was slow moving. Once he had the steaming cup in his hands, he moved outside to a table and sat down, taking a sip and cherishing the strong brew before fumbling around his pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He'd promised Olivia he'd quit smoking, but this wasn't the time. There was a sign posted by the table, indicating that smoking wasn't allowed anywhere on hospital property, but there was no one around so he decided to take the risk, lighting up and taking a long drag before alternating his puffs with more sips of coffee. He had been worried when Fin called to say Olivia had fainted, but that fear couldn't compare to what he felt right now. The bloodwork had to be wrong. It _had_ to be. She could not have his baby and he didn't want to be the one to tell her. He exhaled slowly, knowing he needed to get back to her. They had to talk, before the doctor came in to do the ultrasound.

He walked back to her room, hot coffee in hand and praying she wouldn't smell the cigarette smoke. She was sitting up in bed when he walked in. "You're back," she smiled. "How's the coffee? Am I missing out?"

"Toxic swill," he tried to tease, but his heart wasn't in it. "Liv…we need to talk…"

"I know…" her voice quivered, and as much as she wanted him to say everything would be okay, she knew he wouldn't. "I'm scared."

He nodded gently, sitting beside her on the bed. "So am I…but not for the reason you think." He sat his coffee cup down on the night stand and looked into her pleading eyes. She wanted him to tell her they would get through this, and he couldn't. "I can't be a father…"

She bit her lip and held in her tears. She wasn't going to cry. "So…what do you want me to do about your child, Ed? Just get rid of it?"

He moved from her bed, to the chair, realizing this wasn't going to be an intimate moment and the farther he could get from her, the better. "Olivia…you don't understand. I had that vasectomy so nothing like this would ever happen." His voice shook. "I haven't been completely honest with you. I just…I didn't know how to tell you…"

"You didn't know how to tell me you don't want this baby?" she snickered. "Because you've done a pretty good job of it." Her voice grew louder with anger, "I didn't want this either. You were the one that said I was safe to go off the pill. Hell, you were the one who wanted to stop using condoms after a month of us sleeping together. So don't put this on me…I didn't trick you into getting me pregnant. But I sure as hell don't need you here if you want to go! You don't have to be a father…"

"I _am_ a father…" the words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he knew there was no turning back. "At least, I _was_ …my daughter…she passed away when she was five days old," his eyes clouded with tears.

"What?" Olivia gasped. "Ed…"

He shook his head, "I should've told you. I didn't know how. I never talk about it, and it's been so long…I can't forgive myself for what happened to her…" He knew she had a million questions, but she sat there, staring at him in disbelief and her silence told him to go on. "My ex and I…we'd been married a year when she got pregnant. We were going to have at least five kids…wo we were excited to start our family. I really wanted a son…I was sure it was boy, but she had a sonogram and the doctor said it was a girl. I was disappointed at first, but then I got to thinking about how she'd be Daddy's little girl…and I started to be really excited about it…" Olivia nodded, not knowing what to say. Ed let out a deep breath, clearing his throat, "She was late…almost two weeks, but when she was born…God…" tears slid down his cheeks. "I was in love. She was so beautiful. I never thought I could love someone like that." He brushed away his tears, embarrassed by his emotions. "Liv…I don't know how I survived losing my baby girl…"

"I don't know what to say…" Olivia cried. "I'm so sorry. What happened to her?"

"She was fine at first…a little over eight pounds," he tried to explain. "She was beautiful…so much blonde hair…the nurses said they'd never seen a newborn with hair like hers. And her eyes were clear blue. She looked like a porcelain doll. I couldn't stop staring at her." He sniffled. "The second day…they were supposed to be released, and the baby was nursing but she didn't want to latch on. She looked kind of blue…and we called for help because we could tell something was wrong. They took her to the NICU and they ran a lot of tests. They found out her little heart wasn't working properly. It couldn't pump blood through her body. They wanted to do surgery…but she was too weak and then she never got better. I was holding her…when she just stopped breathing…" he broke down then, his soft tears turning to silent gasps for breath.

"Oh God, Ed…" Olivia wanted to hold him…to comfort him…but he didn't move toward her. He sat, alone in the chair and cried in mourning of his lost child. "I'm glad you told me…I'm so sorry your little girl is gone." She reached out and grabbed his hand, and she was relieved when he didn't pull it away. "What was her name? If you want to tell me…"

He forced a sad smile, "Ashley Marie," he realized he hadn't said her name in more years than he could count.

"That's a beautiful name. She knew you loved her. You know that, right? She was safe in your arms when she passed away. She felt your love until her very last breath. It wasn't your fault…" she whispered. "She was sick…"

"No…it was my fault. The doctor said she had a genetic condition…" He looked at her, his red-rimmed eyes full of pain. "My ex and I…we both carried the gene that caused this. She died because of us. That's why I had the vasectomy. I couldn't risk ever bringing another baby into this world that would suffer like she did…and Liv, you can't have this baby. I can't lose another child like that. I can't watch the woman I love suffer the way my ex did when Ashley died. She could never love me again…and she started seeing other men…we used to love each other so much and by the end we couldn't even stand the sight of one another."

"This baby isn't going to die, Ed," she tried to stay calm because she knew he wasn't thinking clearly. He'd suffered a loss so great that he'd never really be able to see past it.

"The baby could have the same condition," he argued. "And there won't be a way to tell for a while. I can't do this again."

"You said the baby was sick because you and your ex-wife both carried the gene," Olivia reminded him. "I don't carry it…"

"Do you know that?" he asked. "Have you had genetic testing done? You don't even know most of your family history. And we're both older…the risks are higher…"

"We can have the baby tested for abnormalities," she insisted. "Later in the pregnancy."

"And what then?" he sputtered. "Are you going to abort this baby at twenty weeks when you find out it has some horrible disease? Or are you going to give birth to it and watch it die?"

Her eyes widened, "I'm not…I don't think there will be anything wrong. I mean…if the pregnancy gets that far…then I think everything will be fine. And if it's not…they can do so many things now…"

"I don't want to do this," he said, standing to his feet. "I can't…you can't have this baby Olivia…I should get a say in this."

"We're not making any decisions today," she argued. "I know how hurt you are…and I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of pain…but I am not going to make a rash decision based on fear…"

"I made the decision twenty-eight years ago," he sputtered. "I made the decision not to have more children when I had that vasectomy. I don't want to see you hurt…and that's why I think it would better to make a decision now…before you're further along…before you get attached…"

"You don't think I'm attached now?" she shook her head. "This is _my child_ …"

"You've known about this for two hours," he reminded her. "This morning you thought you had the damn flu."

There was a knock at the door, and they both turned in silence to see the doctor walk in. "Am I interrupting?" he asked, disturbed by the awkward silence. "I wanted to do the ultrasound."

"Come in," Olivia cleared her throat. "I'm ready."

The doctor pulled the machine to the foot of the bed, "I'm not sure how far along you are, so I think we'd better do a vaginal ultrasound for dating purposes," he said, pulling up the stirrups and having her place her feet in them. "Have you ever had one of these?"

She shook her head, "No…my son is adopted, so this is my first pregnancy."

"Well, it's pretty simple…but it can be uncomfortable," the doctor told her.

"Do you want to go?" Olivia looked at Ed, frozen at her bedside. She was angry with him, but her heart ached over his pain at the same time. Her voice calmed, "It's okay…you don't have to stay."

"I…" his voice was grim. "I'll stay…if you want me to…I mean, I want to…" His instincts were telling him to run from the room, but he couldn't let her face this alone. There was no telling what would show up on the screen…maybe the pregnancy wasn't even viable. Maybe it wasn't a baby at all. He'd read an article once about a woman with a tumor that showed positive on a pregnancy test. Maybe she had a horrible disease instead of a pregnancy…and then he wanted to smack himself for thinking that was a better alternative. She deserved better than him and he knew it.

"You'll feel a little pressure," the doctor said, inserting the wand inside of her. Olivia squeezed her eyes closed, trying not to focus on how uncomfortable she was. "Ah ha…" the doctor joked, "We have a baby…" he noticed Olivia's eyes were shut, "Do you want to see?" he asked her and she opened her eyes. "Right here…" he pointed to the thumping spot on the screen. "This is your baby's heart…looks good…152 beats per minute." He smiled, "Congrats Mommy and Daddy…I'd say your little one is about seven weeks…so you have plenty of time to plan and get ready…" He turned more serious, "I want you resting as much as possible…this could be a complicated pregnancy due to your age. Call your OB as soon as you can. You may need some special monitoring…but for now, you can relax. Everything looks perfect…"

"Thank God," Olivia couldn't take her eyes off the screen. She never imagined she'd be here…and now she couldn't imagine anything she wanted more. "Ed…did you hear that…the baby's perfect…everything's going to be fine."

"I have to go," Ed looked at her and then at the doctor. "I'm sorry, Liv…I really am…" He knew she'd never forgive him, and he didn't blame her, but in that moment all he could think to do was escape.

 _ **I hope no one hates me now...**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks again for the awesome reviews. Seems there are a few who are unhappy with it, and that's fine too. I don't expect everyone to like this type of story. I appreciate the feedback though and I hope those who like it will continue to read and review.**_

 ** _Sorry I am late with the update. Real life seems to get in the way of this fictional one. Anyway, please read, review, and enjoy!_**

Olivia was tired, and cursing herself for not wearing something more comfortable. The button from her black slacks was digging into her skin and her feet hurt from standing in the low heeled boots she'd chosen that morning. Standing in the hallway, waiting to be called into the courtroom, she wanted nothing more than to sit down and rest. At thirteen weeks, the pregnancy was beginning to consume her daily life and she tried to push it out of her mind. She looked down at her phone to check the time, and that was when she saw him. Just a few feet away, walking into another courtroom…Ed Tucker…the father of her child who apparently wanted nothing to do with either of them. She hoped he wouldn't see her and was relieved when he failed to look up. Then she let herself sink down onto the bench, discreetly unbuttoning her pants and pulling her blazer around her.

It had been a rough six weeks. After Ed left the hospital, he had called to offer her a ride home, but she declined. She felt better and she had her car anyway. She'd gone to daycare and picked up Noah, expecting Ed to be at the apartment when they arrived home, but he wasn't. His robe was still thrown across her bed, he had clothes tossed around her bedroom, and his toothbrush was next to hers in the bathroom, in the same spot where it still remained despite her knowledge that she should get rid of it, but he wasn't there and he wasn't coming back. They'd spoken on the phone, exactly three times, all of which ended the same way…Ed didn't want her to have the baby, and she wasn't willing to lose this child she'd dreamed of having for what felt like a lifetime. He loved her…he missed Noah…but the baby wasn't a part of his plan and he couldn't deal with it. As much as it hurt, she'd decided to let him go. Noah was irrepressible and had stopped asking where Ed was after a couple of days of being told he was busy with his work and would be staying at his own house, but Olivia wasn't as resilient. At night, she'd lay in bed, soaking up his scent from the pillows as she sobbed into them, until eventually she washed them and tried to move on. The tears still came sometimes, usually on a particularly rough morning when she saw his toothbrush perched on the counter or when she had to move the box of his clothes she'd packed in the closet while searching for a pair of pants that would still button, but as time moved on the tears came less and less. Maybe it was the fact that she'd had to deal with morning sickness and exhaustion while raising a toddler on her own and working a demanding job that forced her to push down her feelings. She didn't have the energy to be sad anymore, and the next time he called, she didn't answer…refusing to respond to him until he finally just stopped calling.

They called her into the courtroom and she stood to her feet, trying to keep her actions unnoticed as she rebuttoned her slacks on her way to the stand. The sooner she could finish testifying, the sooner she could go home, change into something comfy, and try to put the trauma of seeing Ed Tucker out of her mind. She had taken the rest of the day off so she could catch up on sleep while Noah was a daycare and she was looking forward to it.

An hour later she emerged from the courthouse, checking her phone for messages when she looked up and saw him again. He was standing out on the steps, not far from her, smoking a cigarette and talking to another cop, laughing, but then his smile turned serious and he stared at her. She could feel his eyes burning into her as he looked her over, and she wanted to dart away, but her feet seemed frozen in place. "Liv…" he called to her, somehow sensing that she was going to make a run for it, and picking up the pace until they were face to face. He tossed his cigarette on the ground, stomping it with his foot, "I didn't know you were going to be here…" his voice shook nervously.

"I didn't expect to see you either," she admitted, looking back at her phone because she couldn't bear to look at him. "I have to go…"

"Can we talk?" he asked, anxiously. "Let me take you to lunch."

She shook her head, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Liv…please…" he pleaded and she couldn't help but notice the pain in his eyes. "I just want to talk. You haven't been answering your phone or texts…and I know why…but please…we need to discuss some things." He gave a weak smile, "We can get Chinese…" he said, knowing it was her favorite even though he didn't care for it.

She sighed, walking down the steps as he trailed behind her, "I think I'd rather have Italian…" she replied, not wanting to tell him Chinese food had made her sick every single time she'd eaten since she'd found out she was pregnant. The baby obviously took after him. "There's that little place around the corner."

He nodded, "Sure…I love pasta. You know that."

"Yeah…" she agreed. _So does our baby_ …she thought as she walked with him toward the street.

The small talk was painful as they waited for their food, but finally the waiter arrived with steaming bowls of pasta and left them alone to eat. Olivia twirled her spaghetti on her fork and took a big bite, instinctively letting out a soft moan of pleasure at the taste.

Ed laughed a little, "I take it you like it?" he asked, but he quickly regretted the chuckle when she put her fork down.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, lifting her glass and sipping her water. "I don't have all day."

"Liv…" he didn't know how to begin. He'd felt terrible the past few weeks because he knew she was hurt and it was all his fault, but he still didn't feel like bringing a child into the world was the right choice and he felt resentful that she'd taken away his right to have a say in the matter. "I'm really sorry."

"Sorry for what?" she asked. "Sorry for walking out on your child and saying you don't want it…or sorry your vasectomy failed?"

"Both…" he admitted. "I should have known it could fail. I just didn't think about it. And I know you want this baby now…I know you didn't plan on one either and if this hadn't have happened we'd be fine," he watched her fidget uncomfortably in her seat. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, trying to be discreet as she undid the button on her pants, but she could tell he noticed. "All of the sudden nothing fits" she sighed. "And when I eat, my stomach kind of bloats…it's embarrassing."

"Oh…" he let his eyes shift to focus on her stomach. She didn't look pregnant, but he could tell she was a little thicker around the middle. He saw her try to cover the undone button by resting her hand on her stomach. "You feeling okay otherwise?" he asked.

"Better than I was," she admitted. "The morning sickness has eased up a little. I'm not sick every day...just some days. Thank God…"

"Have you told anyone?" he asked. "About the baby?"

She shook her head, "Not yet…but you know I'm gonna have to soon. I can't hide this forever…I'm starting to show…"

"You don't look pregnant," he said truthfully. "When are you going to tell people? What are you going to tell them?"

She shrugged, "I don't know yet."

"If you want to tell people I'm the father…" he sighed. "I'm okay with that."

"I'm sure they'll figure that out," she sputtered. "We've been out in the open about everything since before we went to Paris. I'm not going to lie about my child so you can feel better about your decisions." She was frustrated, but she did feel a little guilty being so angry. He'd been hurt in a way she couldn't even imagine, and maybe she needed to try harder to see his side. She settled her voice, "Besides, you might change your mind, Ed. When you see this baby…and if you do, I won't deny you the chance to be a father."

"Seeing the baby isn't going to change how I feel. I love you…and I want to be with you, but I told you from the beginning that I can't accept having a baby, and you ignored that. It's your right to carry this child, and for your sake and the baby's I hope it is healthy…but you can't blame me for not being there when I told you from the start that I didn't want you to have it." He cleared his throat, trying to go on without sounding like he was pressuring her, "Did you…have the testing done yet?"

She bit her lip nervously. She didn't want to have this conversation again. At first she thought getting a clean bill of health for the baby would change his mind about becoming a father, but it was clear now that it wouldn't. He wanted the baby to be healthy since she was determined to have it…but he still didn't want to be a father. "I had it done a few days ago," she admitted. "I was going to tell you, but I thought I'd wait until after I got the results."

"So you'll let me know?" he asked.

"I will…" she agreed. "If you really want me to. If not, just say so. We don't have to do this…"

"Do what?" he asked.

"Pretend," she said sadly. "Act like this situation isn't as bad as it is. Have a fucking lunch together like a regular couple…"

"I miss you," his eyes clouded with tears, and it surprised them both. "I just…I don't know how to be there for you right now…"

" _Obviously_ …" she sighed, standing to her feet and fumbling with the button on her pants that didn't want to fasten this time, no matter how hard she tried. She pulled her blazer around her, "I'm gonna go…"

"Olivia," he stood up so they were face to face, "I love you…so much…and I miss you and Noah…how's he doing? I wonder about him…"

"He's fine," she insisted. "But you don't have to pretend like you give a shit. He's a child after all, and we both know how you feel about kids."

"That's not fair…" he argued. "I love Noah. You know that. I went into this relationship knowing he was a part of the package and I've always loved him."

"You just don't have enough love for two children," she shook her head. "I have to go…"

"I want to love this baby, Olivia. I really do. How do you think I feel knowing you're carrying a part of me inside of you and that I can't even make myself be there for you? I don't want to see you so hurt," he said sadly. "It's killing me to know I hurt you like this…and I want to fix it. Otherwise I'm nothing more than that same asshole you used to hate for years. But I don't know how to do it." The tears that had filled his eyes began to stream down his face, and he sat back at the table while she stood over him, and the anger she felt began to slowly dissipate.

She let herself sit back across from him, "What do you want me to do?" she asked. "Why did you want to talk to me if you're not ready to move on…and you're not ready to be a family either?"

"I don't know," he admitted. Maybe deep down inside he hoped she'd tell him she wanted him more than she wanted this child, but he knew that would never happen…and he wouldn't have wanted that for her either. She deserved to have the family she'd always dreamed of, with or without him. "I want to find a way to do the right thing…I want to say I'll be there, and I'll be happy about the baby…but I'm afraid I really can't. I don't want to hurt you or the kids if I really and truly can't be the father they deserve."

She looked at him, her own eyes flooded with stinging tears, "I miss you too…" she admitted reluctantly. "But I can't do this. I want to help you feel better about things, but dammit, I need someone to be there for me too. I'm almost forty-eight years old and I'm pregnant. As much as I love this baby already, I sure as hell didn't plan on being pregnant at this point in my life. I'm scared to death…and I'm so tired and sick all the time…and right now I'm all alone, Ed. All alone…"

He nodded sadly, "I know…"

She stood up, slowly this time, her anger and urgency gone. "I have to go home," she said softly. "I'll text you when I get the test results."

"Okay," he quivered, "I love you…" but she didn't respond.

The rest of the day had been a blur. Olivia had decided to pick up Noah early instead of going home to sleep like she'd planned. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts after her talk with Ed, so instead she and Noah went to the playground and the dry cleaners and ran a few other small errands. Then they went home and she made macaroni and cheese for dinner, a comfort food for them both, and let him curl up in her bed beside her watching a silly movie until he fell asleep. She carried him to his own bed, wondering how much longer she'd be able to do that, and remembering all the things her high-risk OB had said about possible complications and bed-rest. She had to make some plans now for possible live-in help because she didn't want to be caught off guard.

She fell back onto the bed, running her hand over the very slight swell of her stomach, "I love you, little one…" she whispered. "Please be okay…" She felt her stomach grumble and she knew if she didn't eat something soon she'd end up with her head in the toilet. The morning sickness had let up quite a bit, but letting herself get hungry seemed to trigger it and it was much worse at night. She felt like the baby already had its days and nights mixed up. "Are you hungry?" she groaned, trying to ignore the bile that seemed to rise to the back of her throat. "Please don't make Mommy sick tonight. I can't take it after today." She stood to her feet, heading to the kitchen for leftover mac and cheese, grabbing the container from the fridge and taking a bite, hoping it would ease her nausea. "I'm gonna be a whale if you keep this up, kiddo," she teased, but a light knock at the door took her attention away. "Who the hell is that?" she muttered, walking toward the door.

She looked through the peep hole, and her heart sank. She didn't even want to open the door, but she knew she had to, so she unlocked it and pulled it open, "Why are you here?" she asked.

Ed looked at her, standing in front of him in her pajamas, her dark brown hair framing her face and he was sure she'd never looked more beautiful, "I came to try…" he whispered nervously. "Please…"

She wanted to close the door…to tell him she didn't need him…but instead she motioned him into the room and watched as he sat on the sofa while she purposely chose a chair as far away from him as possible. She curled her feet under her, staring at him with expectation. Then she took another bite of her macaroni just to keep herself occupied and avoid eye-contact, but it didn't seem to be settling well and she felt horribly queasy.

"You look amazing…" he said, smiling at the way her tank top clung to every curve of her body. Her breasts were larger, spilling out from the top of the shirt, and her belly had a curve to it that hadn't been nearly as noticeable in her work clothes. Her body had changed quite a bit already, and he wondered how she felt about that. He watched her take more bites of the macaroni and he forced a smile, "Cravings?" he asked.

She shrugged, "More like a need to put something in my stomach before I vomit all over the place." She put the container down on the table and sat back in the chair. "Ed…why are you here?"

"I didn't realize you were feeling bad," he said with sympathy. "If you don't want to talk…can I get you something…to settle your stomach?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "Really…just…what do you want? I thought we went over everything this afternoon."

"Liv…I want to try to be here for you and the baby…" he said, though his face was an awkward shade of gray and his whole body seemed to shake with terror. "You were right. You're all alone and that's my fault. We made this baby together…and I have an obligation…"

"You don't have to be here," she muttered. "Dammit Ed…I never said I wanted you to feel obligated."

"Well I do," he sighed, "And I never should have left. I was being selfish…just because this isn't where I saw myself doesn't mean it isn't the right thing…"

"You don't really think this is the right thing," she said sadly. "And trying to pretend like you do isn't going to do either of us any favors."

"Then what do you want from me?" he sputtered. "Liv…I'm scared to death here. I don't know how to fix this. I know we made this baby together…but you made the choice to have it regardless of how I felt, and now I'm going to be a father whether I want to or not, so I'm trying to do what's right."

"Ed…" she swallowed the lump in her throat, "I didn't decide to have this baby to hurt you. You know that, right?"

"I'll be in my seventies when this kid graduates from high school Olivia," he groaned. "And you won't be much younger. Don't you wonder what it will be like to raise a teenager at that age? Or how it will affect our relationship? And if this child has special needs…which is highly probable…"

"You don't think I've considered all of that?" she argued.

"No…of course you have…"he whispered, knowing she was the most well-thought-out person he knew. "I'm not trying to make this worse for you…"

"I didn't want this, Ed…" she told him. "And I'm scared too…I'm fucking petrified…but I can't pretend like I don't love and want this baby. Because I do…more than anything…it's a part of us, our love made this little person, Ed…" tears streamed down her cheeks. "And it kills me that you don't love it too…"

"I do…" he said gently. "At least…I want to…you know that…" he looked at the floor, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes any longer, "When you lose a child, it changes you, Liv. It hurts more than anything could ever hurt…and there is this hole in your heart… _in your soul_ …that can never be healed. I promised myself I would never let myself love like that again…that I would never let anyone hurt the way I have…I want to protect you from that because the odds are against us here…"

"I know there are no guarantees," she broke into sad, angry sobs. "But life never has guarantees, Ed. We all get hurt…we're broken…but this baby is a little ray of hope... _un petit rayon d'espoir_ " She put her hand to her stomach, "A sign that maybe the universe is still looking out for us…giving us a chance at a life that we never would have tried for ourselves…" Her voice trailed off and he noticed her face turning an awful shade of pale, as she put her hand to her mouth, "Oh no…" she gagged, darting out of the room.

He ran after her, surprised that she didn't bother to close the bathroom door. She knelt over the toilet, heaving violently as her dinner emptied from her stomach. He knelt beside her, rubbing her back gently, surprised when she didn't push him away, but he assumed she was too ill to care. "You're gonna be okay," he whispered, pulling back her hair with his free hand, while her body seemed to convulse and she threw up again. When it seemed like she had nothing left to come up, he grabbed a wash cloth from the counter and ran it under cool water, kneeling back down and placing it on the back of her neck while she leaned her head against his chest. "I'm sorry…" he whispered. "that you've had to do this by yourself…"

"I'm fine…" she mumbled, coughing a little to clear her throat and he was afraid she might get sick again, but she didn't. "I'm okay…" she promised.

He held her close, kissing the top of her head and then picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom. He lay her carefully on the bed, and pulled the covers up over her. "Do you need anything?" he asked, but she shook her head, too tired and sick for more of response than that. He watched as her eyes fluttered closed and then he walked out of the room, standing in the doorway, rubbing his temples to relieve the headache that was brewing. He wasn't sure how they would get through this…but he knew he had to do what was best for Olivia and his child. He walked back toward the living room, stopping at the kitchen and finding the bottle of bourbon she kept in the far corner cabinet, opening it and pouring a larger glass than he should have. Then he sat back on the sofa, and let it burn his throat as he swallowed it. "You're a fucking asshole, Ed Tucker…" he sighed. "How the hell are you going to fix this?"

 _ **Next chapter will be coming soon!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Alrighty, first of all I want to shout out a big THANK YOU to those who are reading, following, favoriting, an reviewing this story. It means a lot to me because I know people don't take the time to do that if they aren't interested in a story. It makes me feel good to create something that people enjoy. BUT, I have to say *some* of the reviews are getting a little out of hand. If you don't like this story, it is okay to step away from it and read something you do like. Telling me people are making fun of me and laughing at my work is just being hurtful on purpose. I'm not taking it at all seriously, because if people find this humorous, that is their choice and if they want to waste their time making fun of someone they don't even know, that is on them. No, I'm not a member of the fandom on Tumbler or Twitter, because I see so much hate in fan groups, as was proven here in the review section. I'm writing this because it is fun for me, and also because I saw lots of people asking for a Tuckson baby in reviews to other stories, and while it may not be something a lot of fans want, there are obviously a few of us who do. If that means I am not a *true* fan, then so be it.**_

 _ **For the record, I know this would never work on the show. I'm not stupid. But fanfiction should be a fun way to express ideas not done in canon and so I have every right to make this story fit my own Tuckson mold.**_

 _ **Thanks to those who are still reading. Enjoy the chapter! Feel free to leave me reviews whether you like it or not, but let's try to stay respectful. :)**_

"You back!" Noah's excited shout jerked him awake, and Ed opened his eyes, taking a moment to remember where he was. He was in Olivia's living room, having fallen asleep on the couch and the toddler was standing in front of him with a big grin. "You done wif work?" he asked, as Ed sat up and Noah climbed into his lap. "I miss you."

"I missed you too, buddy," Ed hugged him close. "So much."

"Mama miss you too," the little boy's words were more profound than he could possibly know.

"I missed her like crazy," Ed smiled weakly, glancing at the clock and noticing it was barely 6:00. "I think Mommy's still asleep…what do you say we surprise her by making breakfast?"

Noah nodded happily, "We make pancakes?" he asked.

"Sure," Ed stood up, picking up the toddler and putting him on his shoulders, while Noah giggled. Then they walked into the kitchen to start cooking. He'd always loved his time with the little boy, and he had to admit being away from him was one of the hardest parts of this whole situation.

Olivia opened her eyes, stretching a little and listening to the laughter in the kitchen. She remembered Ed had been there the night before, and she assumed he must have stayed. The sound of Noah's giggles made her grin slightly. Her son's laugh never failed to make her smile, no matter the circumstances. The smell of breakfast cooking wafted into the room, making her stomach growl. She put her hand to her stomach and sighed, "Hang on little one." She teased, standing up from the bed and realizing she had to go to the bathroom. "Always…" she groaned, deciding that her constant need to pee was going to rival her morning sickness as the worst part of this pregnancy.

A while later she walked into the kitchen. "Hi Mommy. We maked pancakes!" Noah grinned, sitting at the counter, his face sticky with syrup.

Olivia leaned forward, kissing the top of his head, "I see that, sweet boy."

"Ed comed home," he smiled. "Him done wif work and him missed us."

"Yeah," Olivia sighed, looking up as Ed placed a stack of pancakes in front of her. " _He_ missed you most of all," she said, emphasizing the word _he_ which she hoped would help Noah learn it.

Noah nodded, "Him say you crazy," he giggled, and Olivia crossed her arms, looking at Ed with disdain.

"I said I missed you both," Ed added, "But that I missed you _like crazy_ ," he laughed, handing her the syrup. "You feeling better this morning?" he asked. "I wasn't sure if your stomach could handle pancakes. Do you want something else instead?"

"I'm good. I've been waking up starving every day for the past two weeks," she nodded, walking to the refrigerator and searching for something.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"This…" she grinned, pulling out a jar of peanut butter and jelly. The two were smooshed together in the jar and she'd never bought it that way until the week before when she'd seen it at the store and just had to have it. Since then she'd put it on everything from toast to carrot sticks. "I want it on my pancakes."

He nodded, "Okay…" and he watched her open the jar and spread it on her food. "Liv…that's kind of gross the way it's all mixed together in the jar."

She licked the concoction off the knife, "It's so good though," she sighed with pleasure.

He smiled a little, "Well…you eat your pancakes and then we'll see what we want to do for the day." He looked at Noah, still enjoying his own plate of food, and then back at Olivia. "I thought maybe we could go to the _Z-O-O_ this afternoon after you rest some, but since you're already up and feeling better we could go this morning and spend the day."

She shook her head, "I have to work and Noah has daycare. Don't you have to work?"

"I called this morning and told them I wouldn't be in," he offered. "And I called Fin and told him you weren't feeling well last night so I was turning off your alarm."

" _What_?" her eyes widened. "Ed…you can't do that. I have to go to work. We're short staffed."

"You were sick as a dog last night," he reminded her.

"I'm always sick," she argued, taking one last bite of her pancakes and then walking over to the sink to run water on the plate. "I'm throwing up at least three days a week. I can't stay home every time."

"Well it worries me," he admitted. "I don't think you should still be getting sick like that…and yesterday at lunch you told me it was better."

"Mommy…" Noah's voice pulled them from the argument and they both turned to look at him. "Can I have milk?" he asked.

"Sure," she smiled weakly, opening the refrigerator and pouring a small glass of milk for her son. Then she motioned for Ed to follow her into the living room where Noah couldn't hear them. "You don't get to do this…" she said seriously. "You can't call Fin and tell him I'm too sick to work. What the hell is he going to think? And Noah has missed you…now he thinks you're here to stay and we both know that isn't true. You're gonna hurt him," her eyes filled with tears.

"I would never do anything to hurt Noah," his voice quivered. "You know that. I told you last night that I want to try…for you and the baby…and Noah…"

"You want to _try_ …" she cringed. "I don't even know what the hell that means, Ed. You're either here or you're not."

"I want to be here," he answered.

She bit her lip nervously, "I don't know if I believe that."

"Liv…" he put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, "I love you. I'm sorry for everything that's happened. I may not think having a baby is the best thing for us right now, but I'm going to work damn hard to get over my issues."

"How?" she asked. "How can you just get over it? If you don't want this baby…"

"Mommy…" she turned to see Noah standing there, a worried look on his face. "What baby?" he asked matter-of-factly.

"Uhm…" Olivia was at a loss for words. She certainly didn't want to tell Noah about the baby yet. "I didn't say _baby_ …I said…" she couldn't think of a response and turned to Ed, her eyes pleading for help.

"She did say baby…" Ed interrupted and her eyes widened, thinking he was about to let her son know he was going to be a brother without consulting her first. "As in baby monkeys. There are new ones at the zoo…and we're going to go see them today," he smiled, kneeling down and tickling the little boy. "Would you like that?"

Noah jumped up and down excitedly, "Yay!" he shouted, hugging Ed and then his mom, leaving sticky handprints on both of them. "I gonna wear my monkey shirt…" he said, running off toward his room.

"Let's get you cleaned up first," Ed suggested, going after him. Olivia exhaled slowly, flopping back on the sofa in defeat.

"Liv…" Ed knocked on the bedroom door an hour later, waiting for her response and a little worried when he didn't get one. She'd taken a shower and disappeared into her room while he finished getting Noah ready. Now the toddler was engrossed in a Disney movie and he was hoping to find something to change into himself, remembering he'd left some clothes there. "Olivia…" he said again. "I'm coming in…" he pushed the door open and found her, sitting on the bed surrounded by various pairs of jeans, wearing only her tank top and underwear. "Are you all right?" he asked nervously.

She shrugged, tears forming in her eyes, "I can't go to the zoo." Then the tears began to fall and she silently cursed her hormones for making her look like a fool. "Just take Noah and I'll stay here."

"Hey…" he sat next to her, brushing away her tears with his thumb, "What's the matter? Are you feeling bad again? If so…we can stay home. I'll find something fun to do with Noah here…"

"It's not that…" she tried to stop crying and couldn't. "Fuck…" she rubbed her eyes and did her best to hold in her remaining tears. "Damn crying…" she grabbed her jeans from beside her and looked at them, "I don't have anything to wear…"

"You've got clothes all over the bed," he noticed, assuming her hormones were to blame for the outburst rather than her wardrobe.

"They don't fit…" she burst into tears again, putting the jeans on and pulling them up, trying to force them closed without any luck. "I shouldn't have eaten the damn pancakes."

Ed tried not to laugh, "Liv…let's not blame the pancakes," and he watched as she lay back on the bed and continued to fumble with the button until it finally fastened. She reached her hand up and he pulled her into a sitting position.

She put her hand on her stomach and groaned, "I don't think I can breathe."

"Okay…you can't wear those," he stood from the bed and walked to the dresser. "You're gonna cut off your circulation or something." He opened the drawer and rummaged through her things until he pulled out of pair of yoga pants, tossing them at her. "Here…"

"I can't wear workout clothes," she shook her head. "What if I get a police call? Just because you told Fin I was sick doesn't mean there won't be an emergency."

"Olivia…" he exhaled slowly, not wanting to argue with her. "You can wear them…or you can wear the jeans and be uncomfortable all day. It's up to you." He looked around the room, "Where are my clothes? The ones I left here? I need to change too."

"In a box in the closet," she leaned back, unbuttoning the jeans and sliding them off. Then she pulled on the yoga pants and slid an NYPD T-shirt over her head. Even the shirt felt tight, clinging to her chest and pulling at her hips. She knew her body was changing, but for some reason this morning everything seemed to come crashing down around her and she knew she couldn't keep this pregnancy to herself anymore. It was only a matter of time before people started to notice and she wasn't ready for that. She walked over to the mirror, pulling her hair into a pony tail and Ed emerged from the behind the closet door, dressed in jeans and a lightweight polo. He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck, but she pulled away.

"No…" she insisted. "Don't…"

"Sorry…" he said sincerely. "I thought maybe…"

She shook her head, "I'm going to the zoo with you because Noah wants to go. It doesn't change anything."

He nodded, "I could never resist your neck when you wear your hair up like that," he winked, hoping to get a smile from her, but his playfulness ended when she reached up and undid her hair, letting it fall against her shoulders.

"Let's go," she mumbled, walking out of the room.

"I want pizza!" Noah shouted, running around the food court outside the zoo, and Olivia dashed after him, grabbing his hand. "Pizza Mommy!" he pulled her arm toward the food stand, but she didn't budge.

"Noah…" she grumbled. "You have to settle down." They'd spent three hours walking around the zoo, and Noah was mesmerized by every single thing. They'd seen the monkeys first because they were his favorite, and Ed had been calling him a _little monkey_ ever since. Olivia, on the other hand, had cried watching the mother monkey caring for her baby, insisting it was cruel for the animals to be held captive when they should be free to live in their natural environment, so they hadn't stayed long at the exhibit. She still felt teary thinking about it, and even though she knew it was her hormones, she couldn't enjoy the rest of the zoo. It didn't help that her heightened sense of smell decided to kick in, and the stench of animal feces, wet fur, and food seemed to stick in her nostrils making her nauseous the entire time. Even now, away from the animals she was sure she could smell the stink on her clothes and hair. She wasn't looking forward to walking back in after lunch.

"Ed say we get lunch," Noah argued. "I want pizza, Mommy. Ed say I can pick."

"We'll get pizza," Ed promised. "Why don't you and I go and order and let Mommy sit here and rest?" he suggested. He grabbed Noah's hand and looked at Olivia, "You look a little green, Liv. Are you doing okay?" he asked, and she was embarrassed.

"I'm fine," she assured him, sitting down at the small picnic table and putting her head in her hands, as they walked off toward the food stands.

When they came back a while later, Ed was balancing three plates of pizza and had a bottle of water perched under his arm, while Noah carried the other two water bottles. "We got pizza, Mommy…I got cheese but you got meat and peppers," Noah smiled as he sat the water on the table and Ed arranged the plates in front of them. Then he noticed Olivia had her phone to her ear, and he gave Noah a quiet signal to keep him from interrupting, but the boy was already taking a huge bite of his cheese pizza.

"Yes…of course…but I need to know…" Olivia's voice shook and he could tell she was worried. "I can be there in an hour," she promised, and Ed assumed it was work. "Thank you," her voice was almost a whisper and as she hung up she looked at him and he could see her eyes filling with tears.

"You have to go in to work?" he asked, knowingly. "It's okay. Noah and I can see the rest of the zoo by ourselves."

She shook her head, "It wasn't work," she looked down at the pizza he'd brought her and she thought her stomach might revolt. She picked up her plate and dumped her slice onto his, "I have to go to the doctor," she said. "They have the results of my tests…and they won't give them to me…" she choked up, despite her efforts to keep her emotions in check. "They said they can't give them over the phone."

Ed nodded, "It's probably just protocol, Liv. It doesn't mean anything. Things could be fine," he tried to assure her, but he knew there was a good chance things were terribly wrong. "Let's drop Noah off at daycare and then we'll head over."

"No…I'll grab a cab," she shook her head. "I want to go by myself. I can't have you there…Ed…I just can't do this with you."

"Liv…" he sputtered. "You don't want to be alone if…"

She sniffled, grabbing a napkin and using it to dry her tears, "I can't be with you…I can't look at your face when they tell me…" she stood to her feet. "Just eat your lunch and have fun with Noah this afternoon. You still have half the zoo to see." She kneeled down, kissing Noah on his head, "You have fun at the zoo this afternoon, kiddo. Mommy has to leave for a little while."

Noah seemed to know something was wrong, but he didn't say anything at first. He just clutched her around the neck and hugged her tight. "I go wif you…" he whispered, and she tousled his hair.

"Not this time, sweet boy," she gave a weak smile. "You have fun with Ed. Mommy will see you tonight, okay?"

He nodded, letting go of her neck, "Bye, Mommy," he said sadly.

Ed looked at the two slices of pizza on his plate, and suddenly he felt sick to his stomach. He'd almost convinced himself everything would work out after all, and now he realized that regardless of the test results, things were never going to be the same. "Eat your pizza, buddy," he forced a sad smile when he realized Noah was staring at him. "When you're done, we'll go back and look at the monkeys again."

 _ **More soon!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thanks again for all the reviews! They make me happy. I'm glad everyone is still reading and enjoying this. I apologize for not updating sooner. I have been extra busy this week at work and so that leaves little time for writing and updating. I'll try to do better though.**_

 ** _This chapter is more lighthearted than some of the others (well most of it anyway.) Let me know what you think. I look forward to your thoughts._**

 _"_ _Oh my God, Liv…" he smiled the biggest smile he could ever remember having. "She's beautiful. Just absolutely gorgeous." He looked down at his daughter, cradled in her mother's arms and he was bursting with joy and pride._

 _"_ _She has your eyes," Olivia's voice was tired, but happy. "They are so blue."_

 _He nodded, "And her hair…" he stared at the golden ringlets and wondered how their daughter seemed to look so much like his first child, and really had no resemblance to Olivia at all. "I wish she looked more like you," he admitted._

 _"_ _I think she's perfect," Olivia insisted, kissing her daughter gently and then looking up at Ed. "Do you want to hold her?" she asked._

 _"_ _Of course," he reached out grabbed his daughter, holding her close to his chest. "You're so perfect, baby girl…" he rubbed his hands gently over her tiny toes. "Daddy is going to take care of you forever."_

 _"_ _See…" Olivia smiled proudly. "I told you things would be fine when you saw her. She's wonderful, Ed."_

 _"_ _You're right…" he sat next to her on the bed, "I'm sorry, Liv." And he leaned forward, kissing her softly on the lips. The baby began to fuss, making small sputtering sounds and Ed looked down at her. "Liv…" he said quickly. "I think she's sick…"_

 _"_ _She's fine, Ed…" Olivia rolled her eyes. "Babies cry…"_

 _"_ _She's turning blue," he screamed, standing to his feet and rushing to hall yelling for help. He panicked as he held his daughter close, "Liv…she's blue…"_

 _Olivia's eyes filled with tears, "Noooooo….she's fine," she cried in denial. "Ed…"_ _Before they could do anything, the tiny girl stopped making noises and went limp in her father's arms._

 _He looked at Olivia, sobbing in bed and shook his head, "She's gone…" his own eyes filled with tears. Our baby…I told you this would happen…"_

 _"_ _I want my baby," Olivia sobbed. "She's fine."_ _"_

 _She's dead," Ed argued._

 _"_ _She's fine…" Olivia sputtered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "She's our little girl, Ed. She's okay." She tried to grab the baby, but he wouldn't let her. "This is all your fault," she screamed. "You killed my baby! I hate you Ed Tucker! You're a murderer," she sobbed uncontrollably, but he could still hear her pleading his name, "Ed…Ed…Ed…"_

He jerked awake with a start, Olivia standing over him. "Ed…" she shook his shoulder, satisfied that he was finally awake. "How long have you been asleep? I must've called your name a dozen times."

He looked at her, and then around the room. He was in her living room, sleeping in the chair. His back ached from the awkward sleeping position. "I'm sorry…" his voice shook. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay," she sat next to him, perched on the armchair. "Are you allright? You look white as a ghost."

"I'm fine…" he forced a weak smile. "It was just a bad dream."

"Where's Noah," she asked.

"Taking a nap," he looked at his watch, and then ran his hand over the back of his neck. "We should wake him up or he'll never sleep tonight. He was worn out from the zoo," he sighed, suddenly waking up enough to remember her appointment. His dream was no coincidence; he was sure of that.

"Can we talk a minute first?" she asked, nervously.

He nodded, "Yeah…" he put his arm around her and pulled her into his lap. The action took her by surprise, and she gasped a little. He leaned forward, kissing her softly and then letting his hand rest on her belly, surprised to feel the hard lump already forming. He knew it shouldn't have taken him off guard, given her meltdown over getting dressed that morning, but it had been so long since he'd held her in his arms that the changes in her body seemed foreign to him. "I had a dream we lost the baby…" he admitted. "She was born, and she was perfect…and then she was gone…" his eyes filled with tears. "Liv, I've been a jerk and I'm sorry. I love you…and I want to have this baby with you…and even if she's not perfect, we'll still lover her. I'm so sorry I haven't been on board with this; haven't been here to take care of you and our baby."

"Oh Ed," she leaned into his chest, and he kissed the top of her head. "I don't want you to do this because you feel guilty. You have a right to your feelings too. We didn't plan this."

"But it happened," he interrupted. "And sometimes life doesn't go according to plan."

"I'm not sure I feel ready," she admitted, "to just move on like nothing happened. I love you, so much…but this whole thing has changed us."

"I know," he admitted. "And I won't push you to get back to where we were unless you're ready, but just let me be here for you now." He rubbed his hand over the slight swell of her stomach, "What did the results show? Tell me…whatever it is, we'll get through it together."

She gave a nervous smile, "The baby is fine. No genetic abnormalities…we have a healthy baby. Completely perfect."

"Oh God…" his tears fell down his cheeks, and he couldn't stop them. "Did they check for the heart condition?"

She nodded, "They checked everything, Ed. This baby is healthy as can be. They'll do a few ultrasounds later in the pregnancy just to make sure everything stays on track physically…but this kid is strong and has a clean bill of health. It's a miracle…"

"It is," he agreed, holding her close. "I'm gonna be a daddy…" the revelation took his breath away. "Do you think she'll be embarrassed…think I'm her grandpa or something? Maybe I should color my hair. I'd look younger if I did."

"Don't you dare!" Olivia giggled. "Regardless of what happens with us, this is going to be one lucky baby to have a daddy like you." She put her hand to her stomach, " _He_ is going to love his daddy." She bit her lip, waiting for her words to sink in, and when Ed's eyes widened she nodded with a chuckle. "It's a boy…"

"A boy?" he asked, in disbelief. "We're having a little boy?"

"Yep," she nodded. "The doctor is positive. The blood results don't lie."

"Oh my God…" he didn't know why he'd expected the baby to be a girl, but he did. He hadn't even considered the possibility of a boy. "My son…" he smiled. "Noah's gonna have a little brother…"

She nodded, happily, "I think it's pretty safe to tell him now, and we need to do it before my stomach really pops and he notices all on his own. I hope he's excited. He'll be a great older brother," she said, standing to her feet. "I'm gonna go wake him up and maybe we can tell him tonight. And we need to decide on something for dinner," she rubbed her hand over her stomach, "Your son is starving."

Ed stood to his feet, pulling her into an embrace, "He's gonna be a big boy, isn't he? I mean, you already can't fasten your pants…so…"

She laughed, "Not too big, I hope." And she leaned forward, kissing him long and hard, before pulling away.

He looked at her with surprise, "I thought you weren't ready?" he asked.

She sighed, "I'm still scared, Ed. And I know you are too. I just want you to know…it's okay."

He nodded, "We're in this together," he agreed. "And I'm sorry for how I reacted. I should never have made you deal with this alone. But I'm here now…whatever you need…"

She brushed away a tears that was sliding down her cheek, "I _need_ a cheeseburger," she laughed. "Or maybe three…"

He laughed, "You got it!"

Ed balanced Noah on his shoulders as they walked down the sidewalk. Olivia couldn't help but smile at the sight. She knew Ed was still afraid of moving forward with their little family, but he was making an effort and she was convinced things would be back to normal soon. They reached the restaurant and Ed placed Noah carefully on the sidewalk, grabbing the toddler's hand. "You ready for some yummy dinner?" he asked.

Noah jumped up and down, "I want cheese sammich," he grinned, knowing this place had his favorite grilled cheese.

"Oh, that does sound good," Olivia agreed. "Maybe I'll get grilled cheese…with bacon and onions. I wonder if they have peanut butter?"

"I thought you wanted a cheeseburger?" Ed asked, with a smile.

Olivia nodded, "Decisions…decisions…" she laughed. "I am so damn hungry it's embarrassing."

"You skipped lunch," Ed reminded her. "And you have that extra passenger on board who wants to be fed," he teased.

Noah looked at them both in confusion, "I want cheese sammich…please?" he asked again.

"Sure thing, kiddo," Ed smiled walking him into the restaurant.

A while later they were situated in a corner booth and the server brought some glasses and a pitcher of water, and some crayons for Noah. Ed looked at Olivia, coloring with her son on his paper placemat and he could imagine the way she would dote on the baby. He may not have wanted to become a father again, but he knew he was damn lucky it had happened with her. "Noah…" his voice was calm and gentle. "Mommy and I have a surprise."

The little boy looked up at him with a big grin, "It a doggy?" he asked happily. He'd been asking for a dog for months, and it didn't seem to matter to him that they lived in a tiny apartment in the city. His third birthday was only a couple of weeks away and he was fully expecting the get a dog as his gift. "I name him Spotty."

"No, sweetie…" Olivia said softly. "We are not getting a dog. I've told you that. We don't have room for a dog."

"Please…" his voice pleaded and his eyes were wide. "I take care of it. Spotty be a good dog."

"Noah, we can't get a dog," Olivia sighed. "Sweetie…Mommy and Ed have some news that's better than a dog. I promise."

Noah shook his head sadly, "No…not better than Spotty." He looked like he might cry and Olivia looked sadly at Ed. Maybe this wasn't the right time to tell him about the baby.

"Noah…" Ed spoke carefully. "Your mommy has a baby growing in her tummy…that's the surprise. You get to be a big brother."

"Oh…" he looked disappointed and stared at his mother. "Why?" he asked.

"Why, what?" Olivia asked.

"Why you get a baby in you tummy?" he asked.

"Well," Olivia struggled to find the right words. "Ed and I wanted to have another little boy…so you can be a big brother, Noah. Don't you want to be a big brother?"

"I you baby," he snuggled up next to her and she pulled him close. "You say that…you don't need a new little boy."

"Oh sweetie, you will always be my baby," she picked him up and sat him in her lap. "Always," she kissed him on the cheek. "Mommy loves you so much." She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, "This is where your little brother is. He's tiny and he needs to grow, but he's always going to be younger than you. You are the big brother and he's gonna need you to take care of him. He's gonna love you so much, Noah."

"Him love me?" Noah asked, pushing her stomach. "Where him at? Him not moving."

Olivia laughed, "He is moving, but we just can't feel him yet. As soon as I can feel him, I'll let you know. You can be the first one to feel him kick my belly."

"Him not kick Mommy," Noah shook his head. "That mean."

"Well, he'll move around and it will feel like little kicks," Olivia tried to explain. "It won't hurt." She looked at Ed, hoping for some help.

"Noah, this is going to be so exciting for all of us," Ed promised. "You get to be a big brother, your mom gets to have two sweet little boys, and I get to be a daddy…we're lucky, right?"

"You him daddy?" Noah asked, his voice quivering with sadness. He started to cry and buried his head in Olivia's chest.

"Sweetie," she held him close. "What's wrong?"

"I want Ed be my daddy…" Noah cried. "Why him that baby daddy and not my daddy?"

"Oh God…" Ed was shocked. He hadn't thought about Noah's feelings being hurt this way. "Liv…" but she didn't answer. She had tears sliding down her cheeks as she tried to comfort her son. "Noah…I love you, kiddo. You know that. If you want me to be your daddy…" Olivia looked up at him, her blurry eyes widened. "I'm your daddy too Noah. There's nothing I want more than that."

Noah sniffled, "You my daddy too?" he asked, rubbing his eyes. "Of course," Ed smiled. "I love you…just as much as I love your new baby brother. I promise."

Noah slid down off his mother's lap and crawled under the table to Ed's side of the booth, "I call you daddy?" he asked.

Ed nodded, "Of course you can call me Daddy, if you want to." Olivia stared in disbelief, wishing they'd had time to discuss all of this before making it official with Noah. She didn't want her son to get hurt.

"Look Mommy," Noah smiled, "I gonna sit wif Ed Daddy. You sit wif my baby brudder. 'Kay?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Okay…" she agreed. The server brought their food and Olivia grabbed a couple of fries, dipping them in the chocolate milk shake she'd ordered, while Noah and Ed both stared at her in disbelief.

"Mommy, you don't eat that way…don't play wif you food." Noah scolded.

"I'm not playing," she insisted. "I'm eating. Your baby brother likes it…and he gets all his food from me, so he makes me eat weird things sometimes." She dipped a few more fries in the milk shake.

"Him silly baby…" Noah chuckled, as he took a bite of his grilled cheese. Then he looked at Ed, "Daddy…we name my brudder Spotty? It a good name."

Ed tried not to laugh, "We'll see, Noah…maybe," he didn't want to crush him when he was finally feeling good about things. He saw Olivia's mouth open, but no words came out and then she picked up her milkshake and took a long drink.

"Baby Spotty like chockit, right Mommy?" Noah asked. "I like chockit too."

Olivia looked at Ed, "Thanks a lot," she muttered, putting her hand to her stomach. Then she handed Noah her milkshake so he could have a drink of it too.

Olivia was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to stretch out a kink in her back when Ed walked in. He'd put Noah to bed, eager to get the little boy to sleep so he and Olivia could talk more about the events of the evening, but when he walked in he could tell she was exhausted. "You feeling all right?" he asked, sitting beside her.

She put her hands to her stomach and sighed, "I'm so full…" she groaned. "I feel like I'm gonna burst."

"Well, you ate a double cheeseburger, fries, a chocolate milkshake and half of Noah's grilled cheese," he laughed. "I'm not surprised."

"Hey…I'm eating for two," she sputtered defensively. "And your son never knows what he wants. One minute I'm craving half the food on the planet and the next I'm puking my guts out. I eat when I can."

"Do you feel sick now?" he asked. "What can I do to help?"

"I'm not sick," she assured him. "I'm just full and I have a little heartburn. I'm okay."

He put his hand on her belly, rubbing gently, "Okay…you tell me if you feel worse. I'm here now, Liv. No more doing all this on your own."

She nodded, "I know…"

"You wanna talk about Noah?" he asked. "I know I should have asked you if it was okay to tell him he could call me Daddy, but he was so upset."

"It's okay, Ed," she assured him. "I feel bad that I didn't consider how the news would affect him. I didn't realize he missed having a dad, you know? I just love him so much, and I want him to be happy."

"I love him too, Olivia," Ed promised. "Nothing is going to change that. Whatever happens…with us…" he sighed. "That doesn't impact how I feel about Noah. I hope you know that."

"I do," she sniffled and brushed away the tears that were beginning to slide down her cheeks. "Damn pregnancy hormones," she groaned.

He laughed, "I have to admit, I love this side of you." He kissed her softly on the cheek. "Can I stay in here tonight?" he asked hopefully.

She bit her lip and shrugged, "I don't feel like having sex," she admitted. "I'm tired, and my stomach hurts…" she shifted again, trying to ease the pressure on her back.

"That's okay," he answered. "Do you feel like a back rub…maybe cuddling up and falling asleep."

"That sounds nice," she admitted, and he climbed behind her, gently massaging her shoulders while he kissed her neck, and she felt herself melt into him. "I don't care how much you want to make Noah happy, we're not naming our son Spotty," she whispered, and he laughed.

"Deal," he smiled. "But you're breaking that news to Noah."

 _ **I promise to try to post sooner this time!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm back! Sorry it's been a while. Life gets busy. So, what did everyone think of the premier? I loved it! I am so glad they showed Liv and Ed in a few everyday moments. It felt like a true glimpse into their life instead of forced interaction that was just thrown in. I may have died and come back to life at the end when they were in the park with Noah. So sweet. Anyhow, on with the story. Please let me know what you like or if you want to see something in particular. I aim to please. :)**

 **Thanks for the reviews and I am looking forward to reading more.**

"Liv…is that you?" Ed peeked his head out from the kitchen and smiled when he saw her. It was after ten o'clock and she'd called the say she'd be late, but he was surprised when she hadn't made it home by dinner. Then Noah's bath and bedtime had passed without word and he started to worry. "You hungry?" he asked, when she flopped back on the sofa, removing her jacket and yawning. "I made pork chops."

"I'm tired," she sighed, lifting her legs so he could sit next to her and then resting her feet in his lap. "Fourteen hours…but we caught the guy," she groaned.

"Liv…" he gently rubbed his hands over her feet, "Baby…your feet and ankles are so swollen…"

"I'm pregnant," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but…" he sighed. "You're barely fifteen weeks. I thought this swelling was supposed to happen later…how are you feeling? Is your blood pressure high?"

"God Ed," she groaned. "How the hell would I know? I don't have a blood pressure cuff in my office," she closed her eyes and tried to calm down. She knew he was worried about her and had been googling everything that could go wrong with pregnancy at her age, and she knew she should appreciate it. Lately he was just getting on her nerves though. "Sorry…" she whispered. "I'm tired…it was a long day and I was on my feet most of it…that's why they're swollen. I'm okay," she put her hand on her belly where the fabric from her tunic sweater pulled tight against the waist band of her black leggings. "We're okay…I promise."

"Did you tell anyone today?" he asked knowingly. He'd been pressuring her for a couple of weeks to tell the squad about the baby. He wanted to know they were taking extra precautions when looking out for her, but in spite of her rapidly growing mid-section, Olivia was still reluctant, and he wasn't sure why. She shook her head slowly and he stopped rubbing her feet and stared at her seriously, "Olivia…you have to tell them. I can't believe they haven't noticed yet anyway." He let his hand rest on her swollen stomach, "This little man is done hiding."

"My blazers are very forgiving," she insisted.

"One of these days you're gonna try to get dressed and none of your blazers are going close," he said honestly. "One day _very_ soon. Kind of like last week when you realized none of your pants would button and you've been stuck wearing leggings ever since."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm fat…I get it…"

"I didn't say that," he sputtered, "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Well what do you want me to tell them?" she argued. "Hey everyone…just want you to know that I accidently got knocked up so I'm having a baby in five months and I'm putting myself on desk duty so you're all on your own!" She felt tears welling in her eyes and tried to hold them back.

"You have to tell them," he insisted. "You owe it to yourself and this baby, Olivia. You chose to have him…you have to take care of him."

"You think I'm _not_ taking care of him?" she asked bitterly.

"No…of course you are," he ran his hands across the back of his neck, "I just want this pregnancy to be easier for you. For you to come home at a decent time at night and for you to feel better…not have swollen ankles from standing all day…"

"I'll tell Fin tomorrow," she promised, mostly because as afraid as she was to let the squad in on her news, she knew she felt worse than she'd been letting on and she had to admit that deep down she was a little worried about the baby. "He's my second in command now, so he should know first."

"Good," he leaned forward, kissing her on the lips. "I want someone there watching your back…all the time."

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"I know," he gave a gentle smile. "You want to head to bed?"

"I'm starving…" she couldn't help but laugh and he rubbed his hand over her belly. "Is there any dinner left?" she asked hopefully.

He nodded, "Your plate is in the microwave. I'll go heat it up," he stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

She watched him go, then leaned back and ran her hand over her stomach, exhaling slowly, "You're okay in there…aren't you little guy…" she whispered. "Mommy loves you so much."

The next morning her alarm was blaring and Ed sat up in bed, surprised to see her still snuggled under the covers. He wished he could call Fin himself, and tell him she was staying home, but that hadn't gone over well the last time. Instead he turned off her alarm and snuggled down next to her, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her neck, "Liv…" he spoke gently in her ear. "It's time to get up."

"I don't want to…" she groaned, refusing to open her eyes.

"Honey…you have to go to work," he reminded her, rubbing her back softly. She forced her eyes open and rolled over to face him. She was pale and it worried him. "Hey…are you sick?" he asked, remembering that her bouts of morning sickness still hit randomly from time to time, though mostly it was at night. "Do you want some gingerale or crackers or something?"

She sat up and shook her head, "No…I'm not sick," she closed her eyes and leaned back against the headboard. "I'm just so tired."

"I think you should stay home then," he insisted. "You obviously need to rest."

"I can't today," she groaned, climbing out of bed and walking toward the bathroom. "Too much to finalize on the arrest from last night. Besides, I'll perk up once I get moving."

He was already dressed when she came back into the room, "You okay?" he asked, as she sat on the bed and he sat next to her, rubbing her shoulders. "Liv…you need more rest."

"I'll make sure I'm home on time tonight," she assured him. She sighed, "Noah's gonna wake up soon. I need to get ready so I can get him ready…" she ran her hand over her stomach. "Can you imagine how tired I'll be getting two of them ready in the morning?"

"We'll be fine," he smiled gently, leaning in and kissing her. "But speaking of Noah…his birthday party is in three days. Have you thought anymore about getting him the gift he wants? I can go to the shelter on my lunch break today and take a look at some options."

Her eyes widened, "Ed, we are not getting a dog. I can barely manage Noah and we have a baby on the way…and there isn't any room here as it is."

"Well," he suggested, "If we moved to my townhouse…there would be plenty of space…and he really wants a puppy. It would be good for him to have a little responsibility before the baby comes."

"I don't want to do this now, Ed," she stood up and walked to the closet, rummaging through clothes that no longer fit until she finally pulled out a wrap dress and stared at it with disgust. "Do you think I'll look pregnant in this?"

"You look pregnant…" he sighed. " _In everything_." He walked over to her, "You need to stop avoiding the facts and tell the squad. You said you were going to tell Fin today anyway. And you need to stop pretending we can all live in this apartment forever. Face facts, Liv…"

Her eyes filled with tears that began to stream down her cheeks, "Stop yelling at me," she cried.

"I'm not yelling," he calmed his voice and pulled her close, letting her rest her head on his chest while her tears moistened his dress shirt. "I'm sorry…I know you're tired and not feeling great…and your body is going through so many changes…"

"I'm sorry…" she sniffled. "I can't deal with getting a dog right now."

He nodded, "Okay, no dog…" he kissed the top of her head, "But Liv, you have to tell the squad…today. And we don't have to move to my place right now, but we need to start thinking about where we want to live. Okay…just start thinking about it."

"You're right," she nodded, pulling away from his grasp. "I need to get dressed. Can you start breakfast for Noah?"

"Sure," he smiled. "What about you? What do you want to eat?"

"Nothing…" she answered. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat," he argued. "You said you weren't sick…"

"I'm not sick," she insisted. "I'm just…slightly queasy…but I'm fine. I just don't want food…" she swallowed hard and he knew she was trying to control the nausea. "I need to get dressed," she mumbled on her way back to the bathroom.

When she walked into the kitchen a while later he had Noah's oatmeal ready, and the little boy was already up and dressed, eating happily. She didn't know how Ed seemed to manage all of that in the time it took her to get dressed. Olivia stopped to give her son a soft kiss, and then sat at the counter while Ed handed her a plate of dry toast. "Try this…" he pleaded. "For me?"

She nodded reluctantly and took a small bite, "I'm not sick," she promised. "I didn't throw up. I'm fine." She took a few more bites and then stood up, "I need to go. You're taking Noah to daycare, right?" she asked, realizing she was starting to take this new routine for granted. "Because I can do it. I can wait for him to finish eating."

"It's on my way," he smiled, reaching across the bar to give her a kiss. "You be careful today."

"I will," she smiled, walking over to Noah and leaning forward to give him a kiss, "Be good today, sweet boy," she said, tousling his hair. "I love you."

He reached out and put his hand on her belly, "My brudder want oatmeal," he giggled, holding up his spoon to her. "Him tell me so."

"Oh no sweetheart," it took all her power not to vomit all over her son. "Your brother is pretty adamant about _not_ wanting oatmeal," she put her hand to her mouth and walked back from him.

Ed came around to her and put his hand on her back, "Liv…you _are_ sick…maybe just go in late, let the morning sickness pass."

She shook her head, "I'm fine…" she sputtered, walking toward the door. "I'm fifteen weeks. Morning sickness is supposed to be over by now and I'm fine."

"Just tell the squad today," he said in defeat. He looked at the way her belly popped under to patterned fabric of her dress and he knew it wouldn't take more than a slight movement one way or the other for everyone to know anyway. "If you don't…they are going to want to know why you're throwing up later."

"I'm _not_ going to throw up," she groaned. "I'm …."

" _Fine_ …" he sighed. "Yeah, I know. You're always fine." He gave her quick peck on the cheek and patted her stomach softly. "Just tell them…or Noah will on Saturday at his party. He won't keep quiet about his little " _brudder_ " you know." Her eyes widened when she realized he was right. How could she possibly think she could keep this a secret when Noah knew about it? Her face turned pale and her body felt weak. "Liv…honey…" he asked nervously.

"I'm gonna throw up…" she dropped her purse and ran to the bathroom. He shook his head in frustration and walked after her.

She walked into the precinct over an hour late, sipping on a cup of tea she'd hoped would settle her stomach. The room was bustling and she knew her absence wouldn't be overlooked. She was surprised no one had called her.

"Lieutenant," Carisi rushed over to her. "I need your signature to send this paperwork in and Rollins has been waiting for permission to bring in a suspect on the Bates case…"

"I'm sorry…" she reached for a pen and signed her name quickly on the line. "Tell her I said to bring him in."

"Where were you this morning?" Carisi asked nervously. "Fin wouldn't let me call you…"

Just then Fin walked up to them, "Go take care of your paperwork," he said sternly. Then he looked at Olivia and shook his head, "He's always in someone else's business…"

She smiled slightly, "Fin…can you come to my office? I think we need to talk."

He followed her into the office, and sat across from her desk while she closed the door and then stood next to him, "So, what's this about?" he asked. "Am I in hot water about something?"

"No…" she shook her head. "I needed to tell you something…but maybe you already know…" she bit her lip and stared at him, his face giving no clues as to whether or not he understood where she was heading. "Fin…I'm pregnant…"

He nodded, "Yeah…"

"So you did know," she sighed, sitting down in her chair. "Does everyone know?"

He shrugged, "Probably…if they don't they will as soon as they see you in that dress."

"Gee thanks," she groaned, putting her hand on her stomach, her eyes filling with tears.

"Don't go getting your feelings hurt," he said softly. "Hey…don't cry…you know I can't deal with tears. You look great, Liv…but that baby is definitely showing. Nothing wrong with that."

"I'm not crying," she sniffled. "I just didn't realize I was so damn fat."

"First of all, you're pregnant…not fat," he insisted. "And secondly…you had to know people can tell. You've gotta be what…six months?"

"Four months!" she yelled, then she lowered her voice to whisper, " _Almost_ four…God, I _am_ fat." And she burst into tears.

"Don't cry," he stood up and walked over to her, patting her shoulder and being as comforting as he could. "I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm never around pregnant women…how the hell would I know how far along you are?"

She grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry…" she sniffled. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop crying…I feel like death warmed over…"

"I think those are typical pregnancy symptoms," he gave a weak smile. "You'll be okay."

She nodded, continuing to dab at her wet eyes, "So I guess I don't really need to make an announcement then, huh? Ed's been pestering me to tell everyone."

Fin smiled, "I can make an unofficial announcement for you to the squad if you want…but you need to call and tell Chief Dodds. I don't think he knows."

"He hates me," her voice quivered. "Ever since Mike…he won't even stay in the same room with me for more than a couple of seconds. I don't think this conversation will go well. He lost his son, and it was all my fault…now I'm having a baby…"

"Hey…that wasn't your fault. It was a bad thing and it happened…could've happened to any of us," he reminded her. "Dodds will come around."

She nodded, "Maybe I'll just email him."

"Yeah…not a bad idea," Fin agreed. "So, how are you doing with everything? I've been wanting to ask, but I figured since you hadn't mentioned the pregnancy that maybe you didn't want to talk."

"I'm okay," she sighed. "Tired mostly…a little sick sometimes…" she took another sip of her tea. "Sorry I was so late this morning."

"Junior's already calling the shots?" Fin asked teasingly. "You still look a little green around the gills. If you need to rest…"

"God, I'm sick of people telling me to rest," she groaned. "I'm fine."

"Okay…okay…" Fin stood up, walking to the door. "I'll let you get to work then, but I'm here if you wanna talk about it…"

"Fin…" she called to him and he turned back from the door. "I'm scared…" she admitted.

He stopped and walked back, sitting down once again. "Why?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

She shrugged, "I didn't plan this…and I'm old, Fin…really way too old for this…and Ed left me because he wanted me to abort the baby…but then he came back…" she burst into tears and her sobs were hard as she gasped for breath. "And he told Noah he can call him daddy and he wants to get him a dog and he wants us to move to his house in Brooklyn…and I'm fucking scared to death because I don't know if I can live this life…me, in Brooklyn with two kids and a dog? Not to mention me, committed to Ed Tucker for the rest of my life."

"Whoa…hey…" he walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tight. "Calm down…Liv…it's okay…" but she couldn't calm down and her sobs seemed to get more intense. He reached up and cupped her face with his hands, "Look at me…" his voice was calm and stern. "Breathe…take a deep breath…calm down…" and her cries softened. "There…it's okay…"

"I don't think it is okay…" her voice quivered. "I don't want to be afraid of this."

"Liv," he gave a gentle smile. "This is scary shit. Of course you're afraid. But I can tell you this…Olivia Benson was born to be a mother. Noah is one lucky little boy…and this baby is lucky too…" he rubbed his hand comfortingly over hers, "And Ed Tucker knows he doesn't deserve any of you…"

"You hate him," she said knowingly. "Everyone does…I think that's why it was so hard for me to tell everyone about this."

"Liv…it doesn't matter what we think about him," Fin insisted. "You love him. And I know he loves you."

"He left me," she reminded him. "I just found out I was pregnant…and he left me, Fin."

He nodded, "But he came back. He was scared too, Liv. You chose to take him back, so if you can't trust him now, that's on you. You made the choice to let him back in."

"I love him," she cried. "And he had reasons for leaving. He's lost a baby before…and he was afraid to go through that again. I forgave him…"

"Then why are you sitting here telling me about how scared you are?" Fin asked. "Why aren't you telling him?"

"I don't know…" she admitted. "Because I'm scared of losing him again…and I don't know if I can do this on my own now. I'm exhausted…"

"Liv…" he cleared his throat. "You either trust Tucker…or you don't. You have to decide."

She sniffled, "I know. I do trust him. I just don't want to get hurt…I don't want Noah to get hurt…"

"If he hurts you or Noah…you tell him he's gonna have to face me," Fin snickered, and stood to his feet. Olivia stood up and he pulled her into a rare hug, "I'm always here, Liv. You know that. I've got your back."

"Thanks, Fin…" she pulled away from the hug and put her hand on her stomach, letting her swollen belly take shape beneath the fabric of her dress. "I'm having a boy," she smiled. "Don't tell anyone he's a boy…we're gonna let Noah tell people at his birthday party Saturday…but I wanted his Uncle Fin to know."

His face lit up and he gave her a sly wink, "Uncle Fin can keep a secret." He made his way back to the door, but stopped to face her for a moment, "I'm second in command now Liv. I can handle things around here. If you need time to rest or want to put your feet up…just tell me. Okay? We've got you."

"Thanks," she whispered, as he walked out the door. Then she picked up her phone and called Ed's number. It went to voice mail, and she sighed when she heard the beep, "It's me…" she said softly. "I just wanted to call and say I love you and I promise I'll be home early tonight. I want to talk more about maybe getting Noah a puppy."

 **more on the way**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, sorry for the delay. Again, my life is busy and that is my only excuse. Here's a little more for those of you who are still interested. Thanks for reading.**

"Liv…we need to get going," Ed looked at his watch and then at the mother of his child sitting on the edge of the bed in her pajamas. She was making no effort to get ready and Noah's party was in a couple of hours. "Are you going to get dressed? Noah's been ready for an hour and he's bouncing off the walls out there," he motioned toward the living room where the toddler was supposed to be watching a video, but instead seemed to be running around and jumping on the furniture. He'd had to get after him a couple of times already and he really needed Olivia's help. "Are you okay?" he asked nervously, when he saw her eyes moisten with tears.

"I'm fine…" she sighed, running her hand over the swell of her stomach, "I just don't feel like seeing everyone today. I feel so…" she bit her lip and looked up at him. "Ed…I feel so awkward and big. And I know that is no reason to ruin Noah's third birthday, but everyone is going to be staring at me…and look at me…" she let her hands rest on the sides of her belly.

Ed gave her a gentle smile. He looked at the way her skin showed at the bottom of her tank top and he knew it was a change she was having trouble adjusting to. He'd teased her that she'd revealed the pregnancy at work just in time, because it seemed like once it was out in the open her belly decided to really pop and there was no denying she was pregnant. She'd seemed shocked that it happened at all, but the fact that it seemed to just happen without much warning was really taking a toll on her. She had no choice but to wear maternity clothes to Noah's party today. "You look beautiful," he said, sitting next to her on the bed. He put his hand on her stomach and smiled, "This little guy has a gorgeous mommy."

"You have to say that," she groaned, standing to her feet and walking over to the closet. She'd spent a few hours shopping for maternity clothes the day before at Ed's insistence, but she'd left everything in the bags, refusing to model them for him. She wasn't even sure why the thought of wearing them depressed her so much. She loved this baby. She'd wanted him for longer than she could remember. Yet it felt awkward and wrong to let others in on the secret that she was carrying this new life inside her. "I hate all these clothes," she grabbed one of the bags and then tossed it back on the floor, looking back at him and shaking her head. "They don't make maternity clothes for women my age, Ed. Everything looks like it was made for a sixteen year old."

He laughed, walking over to her and looking through the bags, "I doubt the maternity wear industry is catering to teen mothers. What about these?" he asked, pulling out a pair of jeans with an elastic stretch panel in the front. "Grown ups wear jeans, right?"

"Just go…" she sighed, picking up another bag. "Go check on Noah and I'll be out in a minute." She saw the look of uncertainty on his face and it made her smile in spite of her mood, "I promise…"

He leaned forward, kissing her gently, "Seriously Liv…ten minutes. We need to go." She nodded as she watched him walk out of the room.

Noah's party was in full swing, with kids from his daycare running around the pizza place while their parents sipped drinks and chatted with one another. Olivia was rushing back and forth between the kids and the adults, trying to make sure everyone was having a good time. She wanted her son's birthday to be special…it was the last time he'd have a party as an only child and she wanted him to remember it, but she was exhausted and she'd have given anything for the party to be over.

"Babe…" Ed's voice took her by surprise and she turned to look at him when he wrapped his arms around her waist. "You need to sit down," he told her. "You've been on your feet this whole time."

"I'm fine," she turned and forced a smile.

"You look tired," he said with concern. She had decided to wear the maternity jeans with a long pink sweater and he couldn't help but notice she seemed overheated as well. Her forehead was covered with beads of sweat and she'd pulled her hair up into a ponytail. "Go sit and talk to Fin or Amanda," he suggested, pointing to the corner of the room where her squad seemed to be hiding out from the Manhattan mommy crowd. "I got this…" he promised, kissing her on the cheek and rubbing his hand over her belly.

She nodded, reluctantly and then walked over to the table where Amanda was rocking her young daughter who seemed worked up by the noise and the crowd, "She's not having a good time, huh?" Olivia asked, sitting at the table.

"She's sleepy," Amanda replied. "Time for her nap." She held her daughter close and the girl's cries seemed to settle. She looked at Olivia with a knowing smile, "How are you holding up? I couldn't believe it when Fin said you were pregnant…but now I can't believe none of us noticed."

Olivia shrugged, "I'm fine." She looked at the baby, dozing off and smiled. "I could use a nap, like Jesse."

"Well, Noah's having fun," Amanda reminded her.

"He sure is," Fin chimed in. "And Tucker seems to be adjusting well to the role of daddy," he motioned over to where Ed was spinning the boy in the air.

"Yeah…" Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. "He is…"

"You two decide on that dog?" Fin asked with a grin. "He's not in one of these boxes is he?" he laughed, pointing to the mounds of presents on the gift table.

Olivia laughed, "No," she smiled. "We talked about it, but Ed suggested that maybe I was only agreeing to it because I felt like I had to prove myself…and he was right. Noah still wants a dog and I'm pretty sure Ed does too, but we're gonna wait until after the baby comes to make a firm decision. I'm not ready." She put her hand on her stomach and exhaled slowly.

"Liv…you all right?" Fin asked.

"Yeah…I'm fine," she insisted, but her face paled and her eyes squinted in pain as she continued to push on her belly.

"Hey, it's okay," Fin took her hand and squeezed it tight. "Should we get you to a doctor?"

"No," she shook her head. "I really am okay. It's just a cramp. I think I was on my feet too long."

"You want me to go get Tucker for you?" Amanda offered.

Olivia shook her head, "No…really, I'm perfectly fine and he'll just worry. If I sit here awhile, I'll be fine."

Amanda put her daughter in her stroller and made sure she stayed asleep, then she stood up, "I'm gonna go get you some water. That should help."

"Thanks," Olivia forced a smile as she watched her go. She looked at Fin, "This is why I didn't want to tell everyone," she admitted. "I don't need all this fuss…"

"Hey," Fin sat next to her. "You might not…but Junior here needs taken care of. Let us help."

"I hate that you call him Junior," Olivia laughed.

"Well, what's his name then?" Fin asked teasingly.

"We're not sure yet," Olivia admitted, but before she could go on she noticed someone walking toward her and her words caught in her throat.

"Lieutenant…" the chief smiled, and she wasn't sure if it was genuine. "How's the party going?"

"Chief Dodds," she was shocked to see him and started to rise to her feet, but he motioned for her to stay seated. "What are you doing here? Is there a problem?"

"No…" he shrugged. "I went by the station to see you and that young detective…Carisi…he told me you were having a party for your son's birthday so I thought I'd drop by here." He handed her a small box wrapped in birthday paper, "Couldn't come empty handed. It's just a couple of toy cars. I hope that's okay…my boys loved them when they were little."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears and she fought her hardest to keep them from spilling out on her cheeks as she grabbed the gift, "Thank you. He loves cars." She glanced to where Ed was playing a game with Noah and a few other kids, "He'll love the present."

Chief Dodds looked at her son and then back at her, "I got your email…about the baby," his eyes fixed on the obvious swell of her stomach, "Congratulations. That's why I came to see you. I wanted you to know that I'm happy for you…and Tucker…I was gonna talk to you about your maternity leave, but this isn't the time. Maybe Monday?"

"Chief…I'm really sorry…" she started, but he interrupted her.

"No," he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting toward you. Mike…he loved working for you…and what happened was not your fault. I've always known that, but it's really hard sometimes…" he cleared his throat again. "I should get going…"

Olivia stood to her feet, "Thanks…" she couldn't stop her tears any longer. "I miss him. We all do."

"Yeah," he lowered his head sadly and walked off toward the door. Ed must've noticed Chief Dodds talking to her at some point, because she saw him rushing over to her. "Hey…what'd he want? Are you okay?" he asked nervously. "Don't let him ruin Noah's birthday."

"He just wanted to congratulate us on the baby…and to bring Noah a present," she handed the box to him. Amanda arrived with her water and she took a long drink. "You sure you feel okay?" Ed asked again.

"Yeah," she forced a smile. "I'm fine…let's do the presents and then have them bring out the cake." Ed nodded, but he was worried. Something was off, and he wasn't sure what.

It was evening when Olivia unlocked the door to the apartment, but it felt late. She was more tired than she could ever remember being before. Ed carried Noah, who was sound asleep, and put him in bed, before coming back to the living room where they both leaned back on the sofa, exhausted.

"I don't think he'll wake up before morning," Ed sighed. "I need to go down and carry up all those presents."

"I'll help," Olivia offered, but she knew he'd say no and she was grateful. She wouldn't have offered otherwise. She was so tired.

Ed laughed, "Yeah right…like I'm going to let you carry all those toys upstairs." He reached over and let his hand rest on her stomach, "How's our little one doing?"

"He's good," Olivia smiled, then she bit her lip nervously, "I had some cramps at the party," she admitted. "I don't think they meant anything, but maybe we should just take it easy tonight."

Ed's eyes widened, "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "Should we call the doctor?"

She shook her head, "I feel fine now. I think I was just on my feet too much. I'm really going to try to rest more and hopefully that will be the end of it." She let her hand rest on top of his, "What do you want to name the baby?" she asked.

"I don't know," Ed answered. "We haven't really talked about it. That's strange isn't it?"

She shrugged, "I think we've just been so overwhelmed with everything…"

"Liv, I'm really sorry…" he started, but she stopped him.

"Ed…I know," she insisted.

"No…" he sighed. "I mean…when I left…you had to deal with everything on your own. I will never forgive myself for that. But I'm also sorry that since I've been back…I haven't really taken the time to get to know him. I should be…I don't know…singing to your belly or reading him books…talking to him…"

Olivia laughed, "I can't wait to hear you sing to my belly."

Ed chuckled, "I'm serious, Olivia. I'm not sure how to be a dad now. I love Noah and he's easy…he knows what he likes and he comes to me and asks for what he wants…but this little guy…"

"He's not even here yet, Ed," she reminded him. "You've got time."

"But I haven't even thought about what his name should be," he sighed.

"I want to name him Michael," Olivia said quickly. "Please…"

"Michael…" Ed rubbed her stomach gently. "I like it…but does this have anything to do with Chief Dodds showing up at Noah's party?"

"Maybe…but I miss Mike…and I feel like what happened to him, it may not have been my fault, but it happened under my command, with me there…and I survived," she brushed away a tear sliding down her face. "I'd like to name the baby after him. To honor him."

Ed nodded, "Okay…Michael Tucker it is," he said. "Or Michael Benson Tucker?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Let's just go with Michael for now…we can decide to rest later."

He bent down, putting his mouth to her belly, "Hey Mikey…it's Daddy…you doing okay in there?" He placed a gentle kiss on the swell of her stomach, "We love you buddy…so much…"

"He knows," Olivia said seriously, as Ed sat up and kissed her on the lips. When she pulled away she looked in his eyes, "We're gonna be okay, Ed. Me and you…Noah and Michael."

"We're a family," he said gently.

"Yeah," Olivia's smile was weak, but she was happy. "Nous avons une belle famille."

"You haven't spoken French to me in ages," he grinned. "Maybe we should take another trip to Paris…celebrate this little guy."

"I'm not sure I'll be in shape for traveling for a while," she groaned, then she turned more serious. "I've always wanted a family and sometimes it feels like this is all a dream." She laughed a little, "But then I have heartburn from hell, or I start puking, and none of my clothes fit…and I realize it's all too real."

Ed laughed, "I'm gonna go get Noah's stuff from the car. You want anything while I'm out?"

"No," she leaned forward and kissed him once more. "I think I'm going to take a nap…while you're doing all that work…if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," he kissed her again and then took her hands and helped her to her feet. "I'll be back."

She watched him go, and then walked slowing to the bedroom. Curling up under the covers, she fell asleep, thinking about how much she loved her boys…all three of them.

 **More soon**


	8. Chapter 8

_**I have to apologize again for the delay in posting. Please know that I appreciate every single person who is reading and I don't mean to make you wait forever for an update. I really am just very, very busy with things outside the fandom and finding writing time is getting harder and harder. I will finish the story in a few more chapters though. It's all planned out. I promise.**_

 _ **I'm worried Tuckson may not be a thing on the show anymore after how their relationship has been treated this season. I hope this story can bring some happiness to all of you in spite of that.**_

 _ **Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. I've been missing some of my usual reviewers, which I assume is my fault for the lack of posting, but I'd still love to hear from you :)**_

"Ed…" Olivia called from the bed where she was propped up against the headboard, her glasses resting on the tip of her nose while she glanced at her laptop. "What about this one?" she yelled, just as he walked into the room and climbed in bed next to her. She smiled, "Sorry…I thought you were still in the bathroom. Look at this crib. It's cute, right?"

He leaned over and kissed her, then looked at the website she had pulled up. "This is the one you want?" he asked, resting his hand on her six-month pregnant belly. "What do you think, Mikey? Does Mommy have good taste?"

"He can't see from his current location," she chuckled, "So it's up to us. I think this one is perfect," she insisted, looking at the wooden crib. "Do you not like it?" she asked.

"It's fine, Liv," he smiled, kissing her once more. "It's kind of big. I don't know where we're gonna put it."

She exhaled slowly, letting her own hand settle on top of his as the baby gave them a swift kick. "We'll find a spot," she insisted. "Maybe the crib would fit over there by the closet," she suggested. "I wish I'd kept some of Noah's things, but I never even considered the chance that I'd need them again..."

"Olivia…" he shook his head. "We need to move to my place. I know you don't want to, but honey…"

"I'm tired, Ed," she argued. "I am in no condition to organize a move. And Noah loves it here. It's been our only home as a family."

"Michael and Noah both need their own space, Liv…and they can't have that here. We need our own space," he sighed, knowing this conversation often led to an argument, but he wasn't going to let her avoid talking about it. "This baby will be here in a couple of months, Olivia. I have a three bedroom house. The boys could have their own rooms. Or they could share and we'd have a guest room."

"Like we ever have any guests," Olivia snickered. She bit her lip and stared at him, "Can't we wait until after the baby comes? I'm so overwhelmed right now."

Her eyes filled with tears and he looked at her seriously. "Olivia…what is this about?" he asked. "Every time I suggest moving to my house, you make up a million excuses for why it won't work. Is it because you don't want to move to Brooklyn? You don't like house? What the hell is it?"

"The house is fine," she sighed sadly. "I just love my apartment."

"No…" Ed disagreed. "You complain about this place all the time. There's only one bathroom, and the kitchen is too small, Noah's toys are everywhere…" he took her hand and held it tight, "Liv…what the hell is going on? Why don't you want to move to my house?"

"I'm scared," she sputtered, and she did her best to hold in her tears.

"Scared of what?" he asked, confused.

"Of us…" she admitted sadly and the uncertainty on his face broke her heart. "Ed…what's gonna happen if I pack up all my things, move my son to your house, and then…" she stopped to brush away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "Then, after the baby comes…you decide you can't really do this. What will happen then?"

"Olivia…" his voice shook. "You know that isn't going to happen."

"No…I don't," she insisted. "I love you Ed. And I know you love me…and Noah and Michael…but you never wanted this life and I'm scared once you're faced with it you might decide you can't do it."

"I can't believe you'd say that to me," his voice was angry and it scared him to hear himself talk to her in that tone, but he couldn't help it. "How dare you…after all we've been through. I know I was an asshole in the beginning. I'm not denying that…but I've been here…for months…"

"Ed, I didn't mean to hurt you," she cried. "But I'm worried…"

"You're worried," he snickered. "Dammit Olivia…the last few months I've done everything I can to prove myself to you. I take Noah to daycare when you have to get to work. I give him his bath most nights because you're too tired now. I go to all your OB appointments, in case there is some new development that we need to deal with and you need my support. I've watched you get bigger and bigger and I've tried to make you as comfortable as possible…rubbing your back and your feet…doing the chores and the cooking so you can rest and take care of yourself and our son…" his eyes burned into her with anger, "But you're worried…what…that I don't love you? That I don't love these kids? That I'll kick you all out of my house and make you live on the street? Fuck you, Olivia…how dare you…" He stood up and grabbed his jeans from beside the bed, pulling them on.

"Ed…" she cried. "I didn't say that. I know you've been doing a lot. I know you love us."

"Yeah…well you have a funny way of showing it," he pulled on a t-shirt and grabbed his keys from the nightstand.

"Where are you going?" she asked him.

"Home," he sputtered. "To my house…where I obviously belong."

"I know you're mad," she started to get up to follow him, but she'd had a hard time getting out of bed without help for over a week now and she knew by the time she managed to get to her feet, he'd be long gone. "Ed…please don't go," she pleaded. "I know you love us. I do. It's just that I've been hurt by a lot of people who loved me…and I can take it…but I don't want my kids to ever be hurt like that…"

"I would never hurt those boys," he said, walking out the door. "I love my sons, Olivia. And maybe I'm never going to be Father of the Year, but they sure as hell will know they are the center of my world."

The following afternoon, Olivia was sitting at her desk, trying to finish a report that needed to be submitted, but her mind was elsewhere. Ed had stormed out and hadn't come back. She'd called him once, but he didn't answer and she assumed he wasn't going to. He needed time away from her and she just hoped he'd decide to come home soon. It had been a rough day, starting when the oatmeal Noah had insisted on for breakfast had made her sick to her stomach, despite that fact that she was entering the third trimester and her morning sickness should have ended weeks ago. Then she'd been late for work after dropping him off at daycare, and of course Chief Dodds had been waiting to see her when she arrived. Their conversation had been civil, but he'd mentioned more than once that she might want to go on maternity leave soon, even though she repeatedly told him she planned to work until the doctor told her she couldn't or her due date arrived, whichever came first.

She was tired, and her back was hurting, making it hard to sit and focus on the report. She tried to shift and stretch the kinks out of her back, but when that didn't work she slammed her laptop shut with frustration. She was so tired and all she could think about was the sleep she'd missed out on after Ed had left the night before, but then she felt a burning, stabbing pain under her rib cage that took her breath away and she sat up, realizing the baby was kicking her in the ribs. "Oh Michael…" she groaned miserable. "Don't do that, baby." She stood to her feet, walking back and forth until the baby seemed to reposition himself and she could sit down again. She was exhausted, putting her head down on her desk in defeat. A knock at the door startled her and she realized she'd dozed off when she lifted her head just in time to see Ed walk in the door.

"Liv," he looked questioningly at her. "Are you okay? Honey…" he rushed to her side and she sat up and looked him in the eyes. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah," she forced a smile. "I think I fell asleep," she sighed, "God…this is humiliating. Thank God it wasn't one of the squad who came in."

He laughed, "I think they'd be understanding." He knelt in front of her and ran his hand over the swell of her stomach. "This little guy is wearing you out."

"Maybe," she admitted. "He's moving a lot. But it didn't help that I couldn't sleep after you left last night."

"Yeah," he stood to his feet and looked seriously at her, "Liv…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that…but we need to talk about this…we need to make some decisions," he forced a sad smile.

"I know," she agreed. "I understand why you think we should move. I really do…"

"And I know why you're scared," he explained. "But Liv…I can't spend the rest of my life trying to convince you that I'm in this for good. I screwed up. I know that. I wish I could take it all back. When that doctor said you were pregnant, I should have jumped for joy and said I was happy and that it was a dream come true."

"That would've been a lie," she said knowingly. "And Ed…I wasn't very happy about the news either. You know that. I just…" her eyes filled with tears. "I had to make the decision to have him…because this baby…is such a miracle. And I know you've been through things I can't even imagine and I'm sorry for that. But you left me…you left me alone and sick and pregnant with your child and I didn't think you were coming back…"

"But I did…" he reminded her. "I made a mistake. I left my family because I was scared of being hurt…and because of that, I hurt you. I'll never forgive myself for that, Olivia. But I need you to forgive me, or else I don't know how we'll ever make this work."

"I do forgive you," she cried. "You know that. But I've had so much loss in my life, and I don't know how I let myself get so dependent on you that your loss would devastate me more than I could handle. The thought of raising these boys without you…it kills me."

"You won't have to," he pulled her into a strong embrace. "Olivia…we are a family, and I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you…always." He looked seriously into her eyes, "I want to get married…"

"What?" she gasped. "I didn't mean…"

"I know you didn't," he insisted. "But I want to get married…I love you. I want us to be together forever."

Olivia bit her lip, trying to find the words to answer him, "Ed…" she began.

"No," he shook his head, "I don't want your answer now. I want you to wait until you're ready…okay? Because I can tell you weren't ready for this now, and I don't want to hear 'no.'"

"Okay," she forced a sad smile. "I need time."

"It's okay," he smiled gently. "About my house…if you don't want to move there…we can stay in the apartment."

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt to spend a couple nights there," she suggested. "See how Noah likes it…make some decisions after we've had time there as a family."

"I like that idea," he grinned. "Are you hungry? Wanna go to lunch?"

"I'm always hungry," she laughed, and he took her hands, pulling her to her feet. "Ed…I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you. You know that, right? You mean everything to me."

"I know," he leaned forward, kissing her softly on the lips. "I love you too. We just need to work some things through. We'll be okay."

"Yeah," she smiled, grabbing his hand and walking toward the door. "We'll be great."

Less than an hour later they were situated in a booth at a downtown café. "Are you gonna eat your pickles?" Olivia asked, eying the dill pickle spears on the side of his plate.

Ed laughed, "You can have them," he placed them on her plate, before taking a bite of his burger. "There's a place in Brooklyn that sells the most amazing pickles…if you decide to move…" he teased

"I don't even like pickles," she insisted, taking a bite of the juicy spear. "It's the baby. He loves pickles."

"So…are we gonna be making pickle baby food for him when he starts on solids," Ed teased.

"Ha ha," Olivia snickered, picking up her own cheeseburger and taking a large bite. She swallowed, then scrunched up her face, trying to breathe slowly, her hand pressed against her side.

"What's wrong?" Ed asked nervously, but she didn't answer and he started to panic. "Olivia…" he moved over to her side of the table, sliding into the booth next to her and placing his hand over the spot where she was pushing with her own. "Honey…are you having contractions?"

"No…" she sputtered, her face still cringing in pain. "He's kicking…up in my ribs. He started it earlier, but then he moved. Damn…" she gasped for breath. "This hurts."

"He's been kicking for weeks, Liv," Ed reminded her. "You've never said it hurts." He moved her hand, so he could place his directly on her belly and he felt the baby's little foot poking at him, pushing harder so he could feel more.

"Don't touch me…" she gasped, grabbing his hand and moving it. "That really hurts."

"I'm sorry…" he hadn't meant to make her pain worse, but he'd been caught up in feeling his son this way. "What can I do?"

"Help me up," she motioned for him to leave her side of the booth and then she slid out, giving him her hands to help her to her feet. "Ed…I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"No…it's okay," he was worried, and put his hand on her back and she leaned into him for support. "What can I do, Liv? How can I help?"

"I think I'm okay…" her voice quivered, but her body seemed to relax a bit. "He moved some when I stood up," she put her hand on her side and tried to breathe more slowly. "I guess he didn't like it when I sat down." Her face formed a sad smiled. "I really am sorry for reacting like that. It just hurt so much, and it shocked me…"

"I understand," he pulled her close and kissed her gently on the top of the head. "What do you say we get this food to go, and then head on home and you can put your feet up. Maybe the baby won't be so ornery if you can stretch out some?"

"I need to go back to work," she said honestly.

"Olivia…there is no way you are going back to work right now," he insisted. "You just had a serious bout of pain. We need to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"You need to get back to work too," she reminded him. "You can't just stay home and babysit me all day."

"Like hell, I can't," he argued. "I've got my phone. They can call if they need me." He put his hand gently on her stomach, "Our son is more important than the NYPD, Liv. Come on…let's go home." And she knew she couldn't argue with that.

They'd been home less than an hour when the pain returned and Ed was frantically googling ways to get the baby to move. Olivia assured him she wasn't in labor, it was just the baby's awkward position, but he wasn't so sure. "Try laying on your left side," he read the suggestion off his phone. He looked up at her, where she was sitting on the side of the bed, "Liv…did you hear me?"

"Yes, Ed…" she sighed. "I heard you. Just give me a minute." She struggled to get herself situated on her left side and exhaled slowly. "He's really wedged up there," she closed her eyes. "Is this even normal?" she asked.

Ed looked back at his phone, "I've been googling it, and it seems like it is," he sat next to her and rested his hand on her belly. "I don't want to hurt you…but I want to try to feel where he is," he said and she nodded slowly. "Okay…" he gave a weak smile. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" she asked nervously, but he didn't answer.

When he came back a few minutes later she was breathing slowly, trying to ease the pain. "Here…we're gonna try this," he held out an ice pack and she looked unsure. "This article says the baby will feel it and move," he said assuredly as he lifted her shirt and exposed her bare skin. "It's gonna be cold…I'm sorry…"he put his mouth to her belly, "Come on Mikey. You're hurting Mommy. You need to move now," he pressed it against her skin and she shrieked in shock, but he immediately felt the baby pull away.

"Oh my gosh…" she sputtered. "It worked. He moved."

"Yeah," Ed smiled. "He knows Daddy is boss." He laughed.

She chuckled, "Obviously…" she exhaled slowly, "I love this boy…but he is so damn stubborn."

"I wonder where he gets that?" Ed teased, leaning forward and kissing her softly. "You wanna try sitting up. See if he stays put."

"Not yet," she sighed. "I'm tired…maybe we can just cuddle up and take a nap?"

"Deal," he climbed into bed next to her and wrapped her in his arms.

"Ed…"she whispered.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled.

"I think…" she bit her bottom lip nervously. "My answer is yes…I want to get married."

He smiled, and leaned over her, kissing her neck, "I love you," he whispered, and they curled into each other and fell asleep.

 _ **More soon...let me know what you think :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi all! Sorry I am still not being frequent enough in my postings, but at least it was only 2 weeks this time. :) I am so sad that SVU will not be back until January, so my goal is to finish this story by the time the show comes back. We'll see how that goes, because let's face it, I fail miserably at being consistent in my posting, but I promise to try.**_

 _ **Hope you enjoy the chapter. Please, please review it so I know your thoughts. I always enjoy reading the responses. I love to know people are reading.**_

 _ **Finally, I am sending peace and love to all my readers. We all need some peace and love about now.**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

Ed put the key in the lock and turned the handle while Olivia and Noah waited on the steps. They'd agreed to spend the weekend at his house, and he knew Olivia had reservations about it, but he hoped once she settled in she'd be more at home. They'd been engaged for a month, and she was seven months pregnant, and even though she seemed to know it made sense to move, this was the first time she'd agreed to spending some time at his home. He wanted them to be settled before the baby came. He pushed open the door and turned to smile at them, "Welcome…" he smiled and Noah ran up the steps and through the door, while Olivia moved more slowly up the steps. "He's going to love all the room here," Ed took her hand and helped her up the last few steps. "So will you."

"I'm too fat to climb all these steps," she groaned and he laughed, leaning in and kissing her.

"I can carry you," he offered with a wink, but she rolled her eyes and pushed her way past him and into the house. He could tell she was taking everything in and he couldn't help but smile. It wasn't her first time there. They'd spent a few nights there together before their relationship had become more serious, but usually it was easier to stay at her apartment because of Noah. He'd made a few changes in the hopes of convincing her to move there permanently and he could tell she'd noticed.

"Ed…" she looked at him and then back at Noah who had found the wooden toy box in the corner and was already scattering building blocks around on the living room floor. "You didn't need to do that. He has his own toys."

"I know," Ed offered. "But I want him to feel at home here. He needs some special things to make this his home too."

She nodded, "Noah…" she called to him and he looked up at her with a grin. "What do you say we see the rest of the house?"

"Okay…" Noah ran over to them. "I see my room?" he asked.

Ed smiled, "Of course," but before he could say anything the little boy ran through the only door he could see and Ed laughed, "Noah…" he called. "That's the kitchen." He looked at Olivia, "Apparently he can't understand the amount of room you get in a real house."

They followed Noah into the kitchen and Olivia sighed when she saw her son sitting at the table, eating an apple from the fruit bowl. "Noah…you didn't ask."

"He doesn't need to ask," Ed insisted. "This is his home too, Liv. And yours." He wrapped her in his arms. "I want you both to feel at home here." He smiled, "I bought groceries for the weekend. I made sure the fridge and cabinets were full."

"That's sweet," Olivia kissed him.

"We have two hungry boys," he smiled, rubbing his hand over the swell of her stomach. "I want them well-fed." He looked at Noah who was still nibbling on the apple, "You ready to go upstairs and see your new room? You can take the apple."Noah nodded and followed him as Ed walked toward the stairs.

There were three bedrooms upstairs, the decent sized master and then two smaller rooms…one Ed had used as an office and the other had been mostly for storage. He pushed open the door to one of the smaller rooms and Noah's eyes widened as he darted into the room and made his way to the brand new, yellow racecar bed.

"Daddy…dis _my_ bed?" he asked.

"Yep…all yours," Ed smiled watching the little boy happily push buttons and spin the steering wheel. "It's yellow…your favorite color, right?"

"It my favit…" Noah chuckled.

"Ed…what did you do?" Olivia leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath after the climb up the long staircase, and she looked around the room at the brand new furniture, perfect for her little boy, the toys and books and the fresh coat of blue-gray paint on the walls. "When did you do all of this?"

"I had some people working on it the last couple of weeks," he admitted. "I wanted to make this place _our_ place, Liv. So you could see how comfortable we can be here."

She shook her head, "You said this was for the weekend. That we could see how it goes and then decide." And he could tell she wasn't as happy as he'd expected her to be.

"Liv…" he looked seriously into her eyes. "We're getting married and we need a place to live. I want this to be our home…but if you don't, we'll figure something else out. I'm sorry. I thought this would make it easier for you."

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I know you worked hard on this. And I love it…so does Noah. I just wish you'd told me. I feel blindsided by this." She looked at her son who was still mesmerized by his new bed and she knew his happiness was the most important thing. "He loves it, Ed. You've definitely won him over."

"Well…" Ed smiled nervously. "Let's see if I can win you over too." She looked at him with curiosity, and he pulled her into the hall, pushing open the door to the small room next door and she gasped when she saw what he'd done,

" Oh my God…Ed…" she walked into the room and tried to take it all in. The walls were a pale blue, with baseball trim. The crib she'd chosen was pushed against the far wall and the matching dresser was near the window. The shelves were adorned with various baseball memorabilia, stuffed animals, and books. Across the wall, wooden letters were painted in dark blue, spelling out MICHAEL.

"Do you like it?" he asked, as her eyes filled with tears and he saw her lips quiver. "Honey…if you don't…"

"No…I do," she sniffled. "I love it." She put her hand on her stomach and let it rest there, "He's gonna love it. He has his own place now."

"I love you, Liv," he pulled her close and kissed her softly. "I love you…and I love our boys. I want the best for all of us."

"I know you do," she tried to stop her tears, but it seemed like a lost cause.

"Do you wanna go lay down for a while," he asked, worried that the emotional toll of everything was wearing her out. "You look tired…and I know walking up the stairs outside and then the ones to get up here…you're obviously getting tired."

"Because I'm too fat to walk upstairs," she sniffled. "Ed, I feel like a whale. I can't imagine climbing these steps at nine months."

"I told you…I'll carry you if we need to," he grinned. He knew from her last OB appointment that her weight gain was becoming a problem and the doctor was talking about a new nutrition plan, and of course Olivia was embarrassed by it, but she was forty-eight years old and the pregnancy had been hard, and he didn't want her weight gain to ruin the little time she had left to enjoy being pregnant. "You know, you are the most beautiful woman in the world, right? I can't stop looking at you."

"You're obviously in need of glasses," she smirked, but he could tell his words made her feel better. "I am tired."

"The master is all yours," he motioned toward the room down the hall.

"You didn't remodel the whole master bedroom too, did you?" she asked, with a chuckle.

"No," he laughed. "I thought maybe we could decide together about that. "Get a new bed, some nice comfortable bedding…whatever you want. We can start looking online tonight if you want."

"I like your bachelor pad bedroom," she laughed. "Remember…that first night…"

He smiled, knowing she was referring to the first time they'd slept together. It had been there, in his house because she'd been too worried about bringing a man home with Noah there. "I do remember," he grinned. "Maybe we can reenact that night later…after Noah goes to bed."

"Maybe," she smiled. "If I rest up first. If you don't mind me taking a nap…"

"You get some rest," he kissed her once more. "I think I will go play with Noah and when you wake up, maybe we can grab some dinner. There's that little bistro you like around the corner. Another memory from that night…"

"That sounds nice," she agreed. "Ed…I love you. Thank you for doing this for us."

"I love you too," he smiled. "And I love this family we have."

Ed walked into the house, carrying takeout bags from the bistro and was surprised the living room was empty. They'd planned to go out to dinner, but when Olivia woke up from her nap she'd said she didn't feel up to the walk around the block. He was worried about her, because as strong as she tried to be, he knew the pregnancy was beginning to really take a toll on her and he wanted to make things as easy for her as possible, so he'd offered to go get the food and bring it home. When he'd left, Liv was laying on the couch watching Noah as the boy played with some of his new toys, but now there was no one around and it worried him. "Liv…" he called. "Honey…where are you? Noah?"

"Hi Daddy…" Noah's face peered from the top of the stairs. "Me and Mommy playing cars in my room."

"Oh…" Ed breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, dinner is ready," he held up the bag and the boy nodded.

"Ed…" he heard Olivia call him from upstairs. "Can you come up here a minute?"

"Coming…" he yelled up the stairs, sitting the bags on the end table and taking Noah's hand as they made their way back upstairs. He walked into Noah's room, and was surprised to see Olivia sitting on the floor, surrounded by Noah's cars and the new race track she'd obviously been working on putting together for him. He smiled, "You've been busy, I see."

"He really wanted to play with it," she sighed, "And I couldn't say no."

"Well, I brought dinner," he reminded her. "You ready to eat? We can finish this later."

"Yeah…" she nodded, as Noah sat back on the floor and started rolling cars back and forth over the part of the track she'd finished. "Uhm…" she looked up at him, but didn't move and it made him a little nervous. He could tell something was wrong.

"Liv," he knelt down by her. "Honey…are you okay?" he put his hand on her belly, feeling his son move with frequent jolts.

"I'm fine…" she nervously bit her lip. "This is so embarrassing…"

"What?" he asked with worry. "What's wrong?"

"I got down here to play with Noah…" she ran her hand over her stomach, trying to soothe the baby who was still kicking up a storm. "And…I realized a little bit ago…that I can't get up…"

Ed tried not to laugh, but he knew the amusement was apparent on his face. He'd been worried something was seriously wrong, and he was relieved.

"Don't laugh at me…" she grumbled, but he could tell she wasn't really mad at him. "At home…well at my apartment…I can get down on the floor with him and pull myself up with the sofa or the coffee table. But here…" she looked around the room. "There's nothing close to grab hold of. His bed is too low and the dresser is too high. The floor is slippery. I feel like a bumbling fool…" she sighed miserably. "I tried to get on my knees and then get up, but my left knee hurt too bad and I feel like I might have pulled something in my back…"

"It's okay honey," he stood to his feet and bent down, taking both of her hands in his. "I've got you." And he pulled her carefully to her feet. "There…You okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay," she nodded, but her face told another story. She wasn't crying, but she looked so sad and he hated to see her hurting. "I just feel so big and uncoordinated and moving is getting hard. I didn't think I'd get to this point in the pregnancy, you know? I'm a cop and I've always been in decent shape and I guess in the beginning I thought I'd still be working out and have a cute little baby bump at seven months, but instead I have a giant ass, and chipmunk cheeks, and my stomach is a giant blob of baby that gets in the way of everything I try to do. And everything aches…my knees and my back…" She put her hand to her back and tried to shift her weight to take off some of the pressure. "And I have to pee. I thought I might pee my pants if you didn't get back in time," she admitted, and he watched as she walked toward the hall bathroom, her hand still supporting her aching back and for the first time he was sure she was waddling.

"Come on Noah," he grabbed the little boy's hand and headed toward the stairs. "Let's go get everything ready for dinner, and Mommy will be down in a minute."

That night, Olivia tossed and turned trying to get comfortable. After Noah was asleep, she'd made good on her promise to reenact their first night in his bedroom, and it had been amazing, but after she'd been extremely tired and restless. Ed had felt guilty about their love-making then, sure that it was to blame for how bad she was feeling, but she'd tried to assure him it was just that the baby was being so active and her back was still hurting from her time on the floor earlier. Now she wasn't so sure though, and she sat up, trying to catch her breath and pushing on her belly as she felt a little pressure, low in her pelvis. It didn't really hurt, but it was uncomfortable. She looked at Ed, who was sound asleep next to her, and she didn't want to wake him up, so she decided to try walking around to ease the pressure before getting him all worked up. She slowly climbed out of bed, and while he rolled over, Ed never woke up. Maybe he slept better here in his own bed. Maybe the reason she was so fidgety was because she was missing _her_ own bed.

She walked down the hall to Noah's room, opening the door slightly and looking in on him. He was curled up under the covers, snoring slightly and she couldn't help but smile. He seemed so happy here. He'd spent most of the day playing with his toys, but after dinner Ed had taken him into the small backyard and they'd practiced kicking a soccer ball around for a while. She'd always wanted a nice outdoor space for Noah to play, and as scared as she was to take this step, moving here was the answer.

She walked back into the bedroom, still trying to ease the pressure on her aching back, and climbed back into bed next to Ed. She sat there, watching him sleep and knowing she was blessed. She had always wanted this life, but she'd given up hopes of having it years ago. Now it felt almost unreal. She pushed on her stomach, feeling the pressure again that had awakened her in the first place, but this time it hurt a little. She wasn't sure what contractions actually felt like, but suddenly she was extremely worried. She shook Ed, and he rolled over and looked groggily at her, "What?" he mumbled with a yawn. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," she admitted fearfully. "But…" she felt the pressure again, along with the pain and closed her eyes, breathing slowly until it passed.

"Liv…" By now Ed was sitting up and had one hand on her back, the other rubbing gentle circles on her belly. "Honey…what's wrong?"

"I don't feel right," she admitted. "I woke up because I couldn't get comfortable, but then I started having a little pressure, and now it hurts…"

"Okay," he was on his feet, grabbing his clothes and putting them on quickly. "We should go to the hospital."

"I don't know," she shook her head. "A couple of little pains doesn't mean we need to go to the hospital…does it?"

"Are they contractions?" he asked, sitting back next to her and resting his hand on her belly.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I've never had them before," her eyes filled with tears.

"Okay…" Ed tried to stay calm. "Let's just go…and get things checked out, okay? Then we'll know for sure." He rubbed his hand over her stomach, "Mikey's stubborn. We know that. He's just causing trouble…" he teased.

"I'm scared," she whispered. "I don't want to have him yet. It's too early."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Ed tried to sound reassuring, but he was afraid too. "We just need to check. It's probably just because we had sex. We haven't been so adventurous in a while, and I know you were worn out after, so maybe this is a sign we need to ease up until after the baby comes."

"We don't have anyone to watch Noah," she reminded him. "None of our friends live here…my doctor isn't here."

"Then we'll drive back to Manhattan and go to the hospital, and we'll take Noah with us," Ed said bluntly. "Once we get you settled, I'll call and see if Lucy or Fin or someone can come and get him."

"I don't want to take my three year old to the hospital," she groaned, but then the pressure and pain came back, this time strong enough to take her breath away. "Oh God…" she groaned, grabbing Ed's hand and squeezing it while she tried to breathe. "Ed…"

"I know…" he said, his voice as soothing as he could make it. "Just breathe…you're doing great. I'm right here…" And when she could finally exhale and let go of the grip on his hand he kissed her softly, "It's gonna be okay. I'm pretty sure you're having contractions, but they can stop them if we hurry. We're not going back to Manhattan, Liv. We're gonna get you to the closest hospital…allright."

"Okay," she gave in, tearfully.

"I'm going to go wake up Noah," he said sadly. "Do you think you can get dressed or do you need me to help?"

"I can do it," she insisted. "Don't scare Noah, okay. Just tell him…something…I don't know. Don't tell him I might be having the baby."

"You are not going to have this baby," he promised, and he hoped he was telling the truth. "It's going to be fine." She appreciated his words, but both of them were scared half to death.

 **More to come...**


	10. Chapter 10

_**So, it's been a week. That isn't too terribly bad. My only excuse is that I've been really sick this week and sleeping a lot. So sorry I've made you wait.**_

 _ **Anyway, thanks a lot for the amazing reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know your thoughts. I always love reading them. :)**_

They walked into the emergency room, Ed carrying Noah who had easily fallen back to sleep. They approached the check in desk, and he spoke softly, trying not to wake up the little boy. "Excuse me…" he called to the receptionist who was busy on her phone and ignoring the fact that there were patients. "Can you help us please?"

The woman looked up and gave a phony smile, "What are we seeing you for today?" she asked, pulling up something on the computer.

"I'm having contractions," Olivia answered. "They aren't too bad, but I'm only twenty-nine weeks. I need something to stop them."

The woman looked more serious then, telling her she was sure everything would be okay and filling out the paperwork. Finally a nurse came to take her back, helping Olivia into a wheelchair and she looked at Ed and Olivia and smiled, "Your son probably shouldn't come back," she said gently. "It's not a child-friendly place."

"Well we don't have a choice right now," Ed argued. "I'm going to find someone to come get him, but for now he's here."

"Can you find someone to pick him up before you come back?" the nurse asked.

"She's not going back there without me," Ed argued.

"It's okay, Ed," Olivia said softly. "Just stay out here with him until someone can come. I'll be okay."

"No," he refused. "No way. You are not going back there by yourself."

"I'll be fine," she promised. "I don't want Noah back there. It'll be scary for him. You stay here with him and call around to see if someone can come get him, okay? I'll have them come get you if I need you."

"You do need me," he glanced at the toddler who was sleeping with his head on his shoulder. "Allright…I'll call around. But if I can't find someone soon, we're going back." He looked at the nurse, "Can you at least come out and let me know what's going on?"

"Of course," she assured him. "Early contractions aren't uncommon. I'm sure everything will be fine."

Ed was a nervous wreck waiting for the nurse to come out and update him. Noah was sound asleep, across two chairs in the waiting room, but Ed was pacing back and forth, his anxiety getting worse by the minute. Sonny Carisi burst through the door, rushing over to him, "How's Lieu?" he asked, looking around as if he expected to see her in the waiting room. "Is she having the baby?"

Ed shook his head, "She's back with the doctor," he explained. "They haven't updated me. Thanks for coming to get Noah. I didn't know who else to call and you were closest."

"No problem," Sonny glanced at the toddler and then back at Ed. "You wanna wake him up first, or should I just take him?"

Ed knelt down and gently shook the little boy awake, "Noah," he whispered, until the boy opened his sleepy eyes. "Hey, sweetheart…Detective Carisi is here and he's going to take you to his house for a while."

"Where Mommy?" the little boy sat up and looked around the room, suddenly showing a sense of fear. "I want Mommy."

"Mommy isn't feeling well," Ed tried to explain, without worrying him more. "The doctors are taking good care of her, but I need to go be with her and they don't let little boys back there. So Detective Carisi…"

"Uncle Sonny, right No…" Sonny sat next to the boy and picked him up, sitting him in his lap. "We're buddies, right?"

"Uh huh…" Noah nodded sadly.

"What do you say we let your daddy go back with Mommy, and you and I can head back to my place and get some ice cream?" Carisi suggested, trying to appease the boy. Noah nodded reluctantly and Carisi stood up, holding him. "Tell Daddy you'll see him later," he suggested.

Ed looked into Noah's sad eyes, leaning forward and kissing him, tousling his dark hair and forcing a smile, "Be a good boy, Noah," he reminded him. "I'll come get you as soon as I can, okay?"

Noah nodded and Carisi walked with him out the door.

Ed walked up to the desk, "Excuse me," he said, trying to get the young woman's attention. "The nurse said I could go back once my son was picked up. I need to go back now."

"Let me check," the receptionist said, but before she could do anything, the nurse came through the door.

"I was just coming to update you," she said with a soft smile. "Did you find someone to take your son?"

"Yeah," Ed offered. "How's Olivia? Is she still having contractions, because they were getting pretty strong in the car."

"She's doing well," the nurse told him. "We gave her something to stop the contractions. The baby looks good on the monitor. We'll want to keep her for a while, just to make sure the medicine continues working, but things look good so far."

"Can I see her?" he asked. "Please…I need to be with her."

"Of course," she motioned for him to follow her and they walked down a long corridor. "We're going to move her to a regular room in a bit. We want to give the medication some time to work first though. She's tired. This particular medication causes drowsiness and nausea, so she won't be feeling great, but it should stop the contractions completely within a couple of hours."

"How long until she's released?" Ed asked.

The nurse shrugged, "Probably later today," she looked at her watch, noting the time as a little after midnight. "We want to make sure the contractions have completely stopped first." She sighed, "She won't be able to do all the things she was doing before. The doctor will likely recommend modified bed rest, at least until thirty-six weeks."

"Does she know that?" he asked, knowing it wouldn't go over well with her.

"Not yet," the nurse explained. "Right now, we're trying to keep her calm. She was getting very anxious about the contractions. So our first priority was to keep her settled and stop the contractions. She's calm now though, and you can tell her if you want…" she stopped in front of a door and pushed it open. "You can stay with her as long as you want. Call if you need anything."

Ed looked through the door. Olivia was in bed, monitors beeping all around her. He could hear his son's steady heartbeat echoing through the room on the baby monitor and another machine beeped with Olivia's heart-rate. He walked over to the bed, sitting in the plastic chair and while he was glad she was asleep he wished she could talk to him. She looked pale and weak and it worried him. He reached out, letting his hand rest on her stomach. The fabric from the hospital gown was tight against her skin and he could see the outines of wires that were attached to the monitors, so he was careful not to disturb those. Hearing his son's heartbeat was reassuring and suddenly he felt the baby kick beneath his hand and he let out a slight chuckle. "You're doing fine, aren't you little guy?" he whispered, but Olivia seemed to hear him and opened her eyes. "Liv…I'm sorry," he kept his voice as quiet as possible. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't…" her voice was raspy and weak. "Mikey did. The contractions have him all riled up."

"He's okay," Ed smiled, leaning forward and kissing her on the lips, but she turned her head and it surprised him. "What?" he asked.

"I don't feel very good," she replied, "Can you help me sit up?"

"Yeah," he found the controls for the bed and pushed the button until she was sitting. "Is that better?" he asked.

She nodded, "Where's Noah?"

"Carisi took him," he told her.

"Carisi?" she asked. "Why did you call him? I thought you were calling Fin."

"I couldn't reach him and besides, Carisi lives closer, Liv," he explained. "He was happy to take him. He promised him ice cream, so Noah was fine with it."

"Ice cream…" her face grimaced and she looked more pale than before.

"Honey…what's wrong?" he asked nervously.

"I don't know," she tried to swallow the bile that was rising in the back of her throat but she knew it was of no use. "I'm gonna be sick…" she mumbled and he grabbed a pink, plastic tub from beside her bed, putting in front of her just in time. She threw up, unable to hold back any longer, and watching the remnants of their dinner spew into the tub made him feel queasy too. The smell was rancid, and he had to turn away while she finished, attempting to hold his breath. This was far worse than her morning sickness had been and he was scared for her and their child.

"Are you done?" he asked anxiously, turning to see her face as pale as the white pillowcase she was resting her head upon. She nodded, but didn't speak and he pulled the tub away, trying not to look at it as he sat it aside. He put his hand on her stomach, "I'm so sorry, Liv."

"Why am I so sick?" she asked, closing her eyes. "My stomach hurts…I don't feel any contractions…but it hurts. It hurts a lot. I think something's wrong."

"It's from the medicine," he tried to explain, but he wasn't sure she was listening. She was exhausted. "Just try to sleep, honey. You need to sleep."

"Ed…" she opened her eyes and he could tell it was taking all her strength to keep them open. "I love you."

"I love you too, Olivia," he leaned forward, kissing her forehead and brushing her hair out of her face. "I love you more than anything."

They had spent most of the day at the hospital. Olivia had been in and out of consciousness, the medication making her sleep the majority of the time, but when she was awake, she was sicker than Ed had ever seen her before. She couldn't keep down anything, not even water, and they'd eventually decided to give her IV fluids. But finally it was determined that she was doing well enough to go home and Ed was relieved and worried at the same time. She hadn't had contractions in hours, but she was so weak and tired. He wasn't sure she was well enough to be home.

The nurse wheeled her out to the car and Ed helped Olivia stand and then situate herself in the passenger seat. "You doing allright?" he asked and she nodded, without speaking. He closed the car door and turned to the nurse, "Are you sure she's okay to come home? I'm worried…"

"She's tired," the nurse offered. "But the contractions have stopped, your baby boy is strong and healthy…" she smiled. "Just take care of her. Let her rest."

Ed nodded and thanked the nurse before taking his spot in the driver's seat. He started the car and looked at Olivia, "Do you want to go back to your apartment?" he asked. "I know you're not thrilled with the bed rest, but…"

"Michael needs me to stay off my feet," she opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'm fine. It's not about me. It's about him."

Ed nodded, "It's about you too, Liv. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. Seeing you so sick today…"

"I feel better now," she assured him. "I'm pretty sore from all the vomiting, but I feel better and I haven't had a contraction since this morning."

"Good," he forced a smile. "So…your apartment?"

"Let's go to the house," she looked seriously at him. "I'm gonna be in bed for a while. I might as well get used to the new place, right? And Noah loves his race car bed. You love having the space to play with him outside."

"I want you to be comfortable," he insisted. "You are my number one priority right now."

"And I want to go _home_ ," she gave a weak smile. "And to me, home is the place where my family is happiest. I'm gonna be stuck in bed anyway…so it doesn't matter where I'm at." She reached over and touched his hand. "Besides, your place is close to that bistro with the delicious pickles and our son loves pickles."

Ed laughed, "Okay…the house and the pickles win out." He looked at her and sighed, "Liv, I'm so glad Mikey's okay…and you're okay…but I'm sorry you can't go back to work. I know how much that means to you."

"Fin will keep things in line while I'm gone," she nodded. "And I don't really mind the bed rest." She looked serious, "I've been really tired, Ed. I've tried not to show it, but…I'm not twenty-five. Hell, I'm not even thirty-five. This is hard…harder than I thought it'd be. And I'm ready to take a break and just focus on the baby…and you and Noah. The doctor said I can move a little at home, and truthfully…I think a little is all I can handle anymore."

He was surprised by her admission, but relieved. "I'm going to take care of you," he promised. "I'm carrying you up those stairs. And I'll massage your feet and your back. I'll make your favorites for dinner every single night. I have some vacation time built up…and I think I should ask for time off until after the baby comes."

"You don't have to," she argued. "I know your job is important to you and you'll go crazy at home all day."

He shook his head, "No I won't. I'll be too busy spoiling you to even think about work."

She laughed, "You keep spoiling me like that and I might decide to hold this baby in a lot longer."

He leaned over and kissed her, softly on the lips, "Let's get you home," he offered. "And then I'll go get our son and we'll bring a delicious dinner home for you. Complete with all the pickles you can eat."

Olivia let her hand rest on her stomach, "I'm not sure I'm up to eating yet," she admitted. "But I'd love to cuddle up in bed with you and Noah and watch a movie or something."

"Anything you want," he agreed, as he pulled out onto the street. "Let's get you home."

 **More soon...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to everyone who is still reading. Sorry I am being so bad about updating. Life always seems to pull me away from writing, but I am hoping to get a lot done over the holidays. There are only a few chapters left of this story anyway. I'd love to finish it before SVU comes back in January and possible crushes my Tuckson dreams. :(**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Leave me a review and let me know. Reviews make my day. Thanks!**

Six weeks of bed rest was beginning to take its toll on her, and Olivia flipped through the channels on the TV, hoping to find something other than a talk show or soap opera to watch. Ed had left to pick Noah up from preschool and she knew the treck from Noah's school to their new home in Brooklyn would take him a while. She hadn't wanted to uproot Noah before the end of the school year, but while Ed never complained about the distance, she wondered if it bothered him. He had taken a leave of absence from work to spend time with them and help her until the baby came, and he seemed to take it all in stride, but more than once she's sensed he was getting annoyed and going a little crazy spending his whole day with them. He missed going to work and she wished he'd at least get out once in a while, but Ed wouldn't hear of it.

She groaned, realizing she needed to use the bathroom and struggling to get to her feet. The baby had dropped sooner than expected, and had been comfortably resting on her bladder for almost a week and didn't seem to be willing to move anytime soon. She was tired of constantly getting up to pee, but it was the only time she was allowed out of bed so she tried to use it as an opportunity to stretch the kinks out of her back. Her feet shuffled along the cold wooden floor as she made her way to the bathroom and on her way back she decided she was freezing. The old house was drafty and the wooden floors seemed icy beneath her feet. Even though it was late-March, New York didn't seem to realize spring had arrived, and there was fresh snow on the ground, complete with frigid temperatures, and the weather outside seemed to leave the old house just as chilly. Normally she just asked Ed to turn up the heat, but she knew he wouldn't be back for a while and she also knew he'd throw a fit if he knew she'd walked downstairs to adjust the thermostat control. She was pretty sure she wouldn't make it downstairs anyway, because she was already out of breath. She ran her hand over her belly, grateful her son seemed to be asleep so she wouldn't have to pee again in a few minutes, and sighed.

"I'm a whale…" she groaned, walking over to the closet and opening the door, looking up on the shelf where Ed had extra blankets folded neatly. She tried to reach the shelf, but when she lifted her arms, the baby seemed to shift up into her ribs and while she appreciated him moving from her bladder, the ribs were a painful alternative. She quickly lowered her arms, pushing on her belly, "Mikey…can't you just be still for Mommy…" she mumbled and he replied with a swift kick. She sighed, "I'll take that as a no…"

She looked around the closet, eventually finding an old umbrella. It was long and pointed and she decided she could probably knock the blanket down with the umbrella without having to raise her arms so high that the baby would jam himself in her ribcage. She lifted the umbrella, letting one hand stay on her belly in an attempt to calm her unborn son, and carefully pulled at the blanket until it fell, along with an old shoe box that had been wedged between the blanket and the wall. She hadn't noticed the box until it fell, the contents scattering all over the floor around her and she gave an exasperated sigh at the mess.

"Dammit…" she groaned, tossing the blanket toward the bed, though it landed a good foot away, and then looking down at the papers and pictures that now cluttered the closet floor. She tried to bend down to pick them up, but the bending motion caused her back to spasm and she jerked back up in pain. A few of the pictures had landed on a box that was at mid-level, so she picked one up and looked at it, suddenly feeling her heart drop to her stomach as her eyes filled with tears. It was Ed, much younger with dark wavy hair, holding a tiny pink bundle in his arms. He was smiling in a way she'd never seen from him before, with more joy and happiness than she knew was possible, and she realized she'd stumbled upon his most precious memories and now they were scattered all over the floor. She was trying to figure out how to pick up the mess when she heard footsteps on the stair and turned in time to see Ed staring at her.

"Why are you out of bed?" he asked. "Liv…you know you're not supposed to be up."

"I had to pee," she explained. "And I was cold, so I tried to get a blanket…but I knocked over a box…"

He walked over to her and looked at the picture in her hand, his face turning pale and his eyes cold. "Get back in bed…" he mumbled, grabbing the picture from her and then looking at the mess on the floor.

"Ed…" she didn't know what to say and she wished the right words would come to her. "I'm sorry…"

"You're not supposed to be on your feet," he said, his voice harsh and she knew he was angry. "Do you want to go into labor? Get in bed…"

She knew this wasn't the time to argue with him, so she gave a sad sigh and struggled to climb back in bed, the pain in her back getting worse, while Ed knelt down and picked up everything, putting it back in the box. "Ed…I didn't mean…" she tried to explain, but he dismissed her words.

"I'm gonna get Noah…" he said, tucking the box under his arm. "He's in his room, but I promised him we'd make lunch. He didn't eat his snack at school today. He said it was gross."

"Ed…" she sighed. "I'm really sorry…if you want to talk about it…"

"I don't," he sputtered. He glanced at the box and then back at her, "I just…I don't want to look at this stuff…and I sure as hell don't want anyone else going through it." He closed his eyes in frustration. "I think I'm going to take Noah to lunch instead. He'll like that. We'll bring you back something…" He picked up the extra blanket from where it had landed on the floor and tossed it over to her on the bed, "You need anything before I go?" his offer lacked sincerity.

"I'm fine…" Olivia's voice quivered. She knew he was hurt, but she hadn't expected him to be angry with her and as much as she wanted to understand it was hard.

He nodded, "Stay in bed," he grumbled as he walked out the door.

Ed knew he hadn't been very attentive to Noah throughout lunch, but his mind was preoccupied on how he'd treated Olivia. It wasn't her fault the box had fallen off the shelf and it certainly wasn't her fault that he had reacted so badly. He hadn't looked through that box in years and seeing the contents spread all over the floor had shocked him and he knew he'd hurt her with his reaction. He looked down at Noah, his face smeared with pizza sauce and squeezed the little boy's hand a little tighter. He was lucky…he was a dad again and he'd never thought that would happen. He had two little boys to think about, and woman who loved him, and he knew he didn't deserve any of them.

"Daddy…" Noah's little voice brought him back from his thoughts.

"What Bud," he asked, forcing a sad smile.

"You say we get Mommy lunch too…" Noah reminded him. "We not get her pizza."

"I know," Ed cleared his throat. "I don't think Mommy wants pizza," he said, remembering that she'd been complaining of horrible heartburn after eating practically anything lately and thinking the pizza might be too spicy for her stomach. "I'm gonna stop up here at the deli and get her a sandwich. Egg salad…with pickles…"

Noah chuckled, "My brudder like pickles…Mommy say dat."

Ed laughed, "Yeah…he does."

"Daddy…" Noah looked up and Ed's heart melted looking into his innocent eyes. "When my brudder be here?"

"Soon, Bud…" Ed smiled more sincerely this time. "Just a few weeks…" and he hoped the baby would stay put that long. "He needs to get a little bigger."

"Him big now," Noah argued. "Mommy is so fat."

" _Noah_ …" Ed gasped, surprised by the little boy's brutal honesty. "You can't say that. It'll hurt Mommy's feelings."

Noah looked confused, "Her is fat. Her tummy so big her can't hold me no more," he dropped his head and his eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Bud," Ed knelt down and wrapped the little boy in a hug. "Your mommy loves you so much. I know this had been hard for you. Everything's changing…but you are such a big boy now and you're going to be so much help with the baby. And Mommy has to stay in bed until the baby comes, but if you're missing her, we can make sure you get some extra special time with her. I know she can't hold you anymore, but you can cuddle up with her on the bed and watch a movie or play a game."

Noah nodded, "Can her play cars wif me?" he sniffled, and Ed wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"I bet she'd love that," Ed smiled. "Maybe you two can drive your cars on the bed? The pattern on the bedspread might make a nice racetrack."

"Okay…" Noah nodded, and while his face was still red from crying, he was smiling now. "Daddy…after my brudder come, can we get a sister?"

Ed was surprised by the request and he wasn't sure how to explain to a three year old that his parents were far too old to consider giving him a baby sister. "Noah…you're getting a new brother. Why would you want a sister?"

"Tommy have a sister," he said, and Ed realized he was comparing himself to his best friend from preschool. "Him say sisters make mommies happy cause dem is cute and play dollies and stuff. I want Mommy get happy."

"Noah, your mom is very happy," Ed explained. "She loves you and your brother more than anything. She doesn't want a girl to dress up or play with dolls…and you are already pretty darn cute," he smiled. "And I'll bet Mikey will be too."

"Oh…" Noah said, his voice letting Ed know he wasn't convinced. The little boy seemed so in tune with everything going on. Was Olivia really that unhappy? "I still want a sister…"

A while later, Noah burst through the bedroom door, a brown sack from the deli in his hands and he jumped up on the bed next to his mother, "Mommy…we getted you lunch," he squealed happily, and Olivia couldn't help but smile.

"Yum…my favorite sandwich…" she leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you."

"We get pickles for my brudder too…" Noah grinned as Olivia pulled out a large green dill pickle and took a juicy bite.

"He appreciates that," she laughed, taking another bite. "These are delicious. I think I could eat a dozen of these."

"No, Mommy," Noah looked serious. "Daddy say not to tell you dat you too fat, but if you eat all dose pickles you belly will get too much bigger…"

Olivia tried not to laugh. Her son was doing a terrible job of sparing her feelings, but his attempt at tactfulness couldn't be ignored. "Okay sweetie," she smiled. "I'll just eat one." She looked at his smiling face. "I know Mommy's belly is getting really, really big," she said gently. "Does it bother you?"

"You can't hold me," he said truthfully. "But Daddy say you can play cars wif me in bed."

"I'd love to do that, Noah," she said gently. "More than anything."

An hour later, Ed opened the bedroom door and smiled when he saw Noah, spread across Olivia's stomach, sound asleep. Olivia looked at him, and motioned for him to come in. "He was tired," she whispered. "We played cars and then he wanted to sing to the baby…and he sang himself to sleep," she smiled. "It was the sweetest thing."

"You feeling okay?" he asked, thinking she looked a little pale.

"Yeah," she answered. "My back is just really hurting today…and my stomach is crampy from lunch. I think I'm running out of room for food."

"Let me get Noah off you then," he suggested.

"He was so excited to play cars with me," she said with a sad smile. "I feel like I've neglected him the past month."

"He's a pretty amazing kid, Liv," Ed reached over and picked up the toddler, careful not to wake him. "He loves you and he understands that you can't do everything like before." He carried him to his room and tucked him into his own bed, and then he returned to Olivia with the shoe box tucked under his arm. "Liv…" he sat next to her on the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have reacted like that." He sat the box down beside her.

"I'm sorry I spilled everything out of the box," she admitted. "I swear I wasn't snooping. I just wanted a blanket and it fell…"

"I know," he snuggled close to her and let his hand rest on her belly. "Noah told me today that he'd like a sister…"

"What?" Olivia asked. "He's excited about Mikey, right?"

"Oh yeah…" Ed rubbed his hand over the swell of her stomach. "He asked if we could have a sister _after_ Mikey is born."

Olivia's eyes widened, "You didn't tell him yes, did you?"

Ed laughed, "No…I told him that we love him and Mikey…and that we are not having another baby. He thinks you'd like a girl to play dolls with."

"He feels ignored, doesn't he?" Olivia sighed. "This bed rest thing is getting so hard. He told me I'm too fat today."

"What?" Ed sighed. "I told him not to say that to you."

Olivia chuckled, "Yeah, he told me that too." She let her hand rest on top of his, "I'm huge…it's sad that my three year old has noticed. I bet I've gained ten pounds since I've been on bedrest."

"That's not your fault," he assured her. "You can't move. You're stuck here in bed…"

"I feel like a whale," she groaned. "My maternity clothes feel too tight." She pulled at the elastic waist band. "And everything hurts today…worse than usual."

"You don't have much longer," he assured her. "And you've done great with the bedrest. I know it's not easy."

"And I know you hate being at home all the time," she told him. "You miss work…and being away from here once in a while. You never go anywhere without Noah in tow, and I feel terrible about that."

"Don't…" he leaned over, kissing her long and hard. "I love being here with you and Noah…more than anything." He smiled. "I shut myself off from people for so long," he picked up the box and carefully took off the lid. "I haven't looked at anything in here in ages…but when Noah said he wanted a sister…I started thinking that, you know…she was his sister. I owe it to our family to make her a part of it…I owe it to her too. I was wondering, if maybe…you'd go through this with me and help me make a scrapbook or something…something I could share with the boys…so they'd know their big sister is in heaven looking out for them."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She knew Ed wasn't particularly religious, and neither was she, but the thought of his beautiful angel daughter looking over her boys made her heart melt. "Ed…" she tried to brush away her tears, but they were still streaming down her cheeks. "That's beautiful…I would love that."

He picked up a picture and showed it to her. The baby was in her mother's arms, and Ed had them both wrapped in an embrace. Olivia realized she'd never seen his ex-wife before. She was so young in the picture, probably early twenties. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the love the Ed Tucker from the photograph was showing, let her know his first family had meant the world to him. "You all look so happy…" she whispered.

"We were…" he replied. "For a while."

"Your ex was pretty…" Olivia smiled. "And you look awfully handsome with all that dark, wavy hair."

Ed laughed, "She was pretty…and I miss my hair sometimes." He put the picture back in the box and looked seriously at her, "But she left me, Liv. After Ashley died…I know I was bitter and angry and I wasn't the same man she fell in love with…and she hated me for it. She cheated on me and she left me. But you…you are more beautiful than she ever was…and not just physically…but your soul is beautiful. You found a way to love me, even after all the mistakes I made…the things I did…you could see the real me deep down and you found a way to bring that man back."

"Oh Ed…" she leaned forward, kissing him and then pulling away slowly. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel so lucky. This baby…being a dad to Noah…giving us this amazing life."

"I still miss her…my little girl…" he said, pulling out a hospital photo of the baby, dressed in a light pink sleeper with a white bow wrapped around her soft tuft of blonde hair. "I still wish she was here…"

"I know you do," Olivia held him close. "And that's okay. She's your daughter. She always will be." She saw the tears streaming down his cheeks and gently wiped them away. "I think we should frame this one. It's beautiful…and the wall downstairs where we were going to put the family photos…she belongs there too."

"Really?" Ed asked. "You don't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind," she took the picture and looked at it. "I wish she was here too, Ed. I wish you'd had the chance to watch her grow up…but I really do believe she's up there looking out for all of us...especially her little brothers."

He forced a sad smile, "You really think that?" he asked with disbelief.

"Yes, I do…" she squeezed his hand, and he put the lid on the box, sitting it on the nightstand.

"I'll buy a scrapbook tomorrow and we can finish going through the box," Ed suggested. "Today…at least until our boy wakes up from his nap…I just want to hold you."

"Maybe he'll sleep for a few hours, and we can cuddle," Olivia suggested.

"I doubt that…" he laughed.

"Je crois dans les miracles," Olivia winked playfully.

"Really…speaking French again, huh?" he teased. "That must mean you want to turn me on…and last I checked, the doctor said that was a big no-no for us."

Olivia laughed, "We can make out…"

"I don't know if I can stop at making out, Liv," he said seriously. "It's been a long damn time."

"Well…" she bit her lip, trying to suppress her grin. "Maybe I could just…make _you_ happy. I'm on pelvic rest, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself."

His eyes widened, and he was surprised by the suggestion, "You're serious… _no_ …we're gonna wait this bedrest thing out together. I'll survive a while longer…"

"A long while…" she reminded him. "I still have almost a month before the baby's due…and then at least six weeks after…"

"And when all that time is up…we will find a sitter and have the most amazing night of our lives," Ed promised. "Until then…" he leaned over, kissing her neck and gently nibbling her ear until she moaned.

"I love you…" she mumbled, turning her head and catching his lips with her own.

He pulled away and looked at her, "Damn, I need a cold shower," he groaned, standing to his feet. "I told you making out was dangerous."

She laughed, throwing a pillow at him, "Vas prendre une douche…" she teased.

"Stop with the French…" he laughed, walking into the hall.

She watched him go, and rubbed her hand carefully over the swell of her stomach, "We're lucky, Michael…you know that? Your daddy…he's been through so much, but he's the most loving and amazing man I've ever known." She thought about the picture he'd shown her of his young family, and she knew a part of him would always miss his old life, but he still made her feel like the most loved woman in the world, and no one else had ever done that for her. The baby chose that moment to punch her bladder and it took her by surprise, "Oh God…" she groaned. "Why couldn't you have done that when your daddy was in here to help me out of bed?" She didn't hear the shower running yet, "Ed…" she called. "Ed…"

He rushed in, wearing nothing but his boxers. "What's wrong?" he asked nervously.

"Your son is trying to make me pee my pants," she sighed. He laughed, and she gave him a glare, "I'm serious. I have to pee. Please help me up. My back is killing me and I'm so tired…"

"You're too tired to get out of bed and a second ago you wanted to…" he began, but she interrupted him.

"Oh shut up…" she mumbled. "Help me out of this bed...I don't feel good..."

"I'm teasing," he leaned over and kissed her cheek, before pulling her up from the bed. "Go to the bathroom…" Her eyes widened and she didn't move. "Liv…what's wrong?"

She shook her head nervously, "I think…my water just broke…"

He looked at the puddle forming on the floor beneath her and then into her frightened eyes, "Oh God…uhm…maybe you just peed…"

"I don't think so…" she grabbed his hand as a contraction ripped through her and she groaned miserably. "It's early…" she cried.

"Just a little," he reminded her. "He's gonna be fine, Liv. Let's just get Noah up from his nap and get you to the hospital."

"I'm scared he's too small," she sputtered.

"Liv…" he took her head in his hands and looked her in the eyes, "He's going to be fine," he whispered. "I promise you." He took a deep breath, "He has his guardian angel sister looking out for him…remember…you said you believed that." She nodded anxiously and he kissed her forehead, "Now…" he sighed. "Let's go have a baby."

 **More soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Okay, so again I have left you waiting for way too long and I am so very sorry. My life is just chaotic at the moment. I have no real excuse. I apologize, but I hope people will still read and review. I feel guilty for making people wait so long, so if you are no longer interested I understand. Hopefully most of you will still want to read though.**_

 _ **Before I post, I do want to address the drama involving the show. I, like most of you, am sad that Tuckson is apparently over on SVU. I did not feel the breakup was done well at all. I could handle a breakup. Most shows have couples go through many ups and downs. That's just good character development. (If you'll remember...Tuckson even broke up in this story for a while) BUT the issue I have is that this breakup made no sense and was done in such a way that I can't even see what the point was. Olivia was scared he wanted her to retire? Okay...well he never said she had to. I honestly would have rather seen them fight over that, than just decide that she was never really happy. And what was with Ed opening the door and walking off into that bright light...like he was disappearing or something. It had an eerie feel to it that sort of creeped me out...but that's probably just me. :)**_

 _ **That said, Olivia Benson is a complex character who has ALWAYS had trouble committing to anyone. That's who she is. People get close, she pushes them out. I like to think that Ed will find his way back in. For now, I am glad she is dedicating herself to Noah, because facing facts, her mothering skills are not what I expected from a woman who longed for so many years for her own child. I've been more disappointed in the portrayal of Liv as a parent than I have in anything else they've done on the show. Again, maybe that is just me...**_

 _ **So...now that I am done rambling...let's get this Tuckson Baby born. :) Leave me a review please, if you want! This story probably only has a chapter or two more to go, so I'm hoping reading your thoughts will encourage me to finish sooner.**_

Ed knew they'd been lucky. When he'd called around to try to find someone to watch Noah, Fin just happened to be in Brooklyn visiting his son and grandson and had agreed to come immediately. Olivia had seemed fine, slowly breathing through the contractions while they waited for Fin to arrive, but now, barely over an hour later she was in a lot more pain and Ed knew if they'd had to wait any longer for a sitter or had to drive Noah somewhere, things would have gone downhill fast.

"Ed…" her voice creaked and she clutched her door handle and leaned forward, "Are we almost there? I can't sit here anymore…"

"A few more minutes honey," he reached over and grabbed her hand, letting her squeeze it and tried to keep his eyes on the road. "We're almost there." She had insisting on driving to her own hospital with her own doctor, and after a quick call to the OB everyone agreed it would be all right, but now he was regretting the decision. He would have rather been back in Brooklyn with her safely checked into the maternity ward. "You're doing great…"

Fifteen minutes later he pulled into the parking lot, quickly turning off the ignition and jumping out of the car, rushing over to her side and opening the door. "Ed…I feel dizzy…" her words were barely a whisper and it scared him. He helped her to her feet, grabbing her duffel bag and tossing it over his shoulder. "Ed…" her voice was a little more steady. "I'm still leaking…"

He looked down where fluid was dripping between her legs, "It's okay…we're here now. They're gonna take care of you and you're gonna hold Mikey in your arms really soon." She gave a weak nod as they walked toward the hospital. They'd barely made it inside when another contraction seemed to overtake her and she leaned into him her face scrunched in pain. "Just breathe…" he offered, relieved when her body relaxed and the pain obviously subsided.

"I don't know if I can do this," she sputtered. "It's all happening so fast. I thought labor was supposed to start slow…"

"You can do this, Liv…" he tried to be calm and encouraging, but he was scared too. It did seem to be moving really fast. "We can do this…" He gave her a gentle smile. "At least we're here now. Let's get you checked in."

Three hours later they were walking the halls of labor and delivery, and Olivia was in a foul mood. Her contractions were coming so frequently that she barely had time to rest between them and while walking was miserable, she didn't want to be in bed either. Nothing was helping. "Oh God…" she groaned, the pain leaving her unable to say anything more.

"Here…" Ed took her arms, wrapping them around his neck and encouraged her to lean into him. "You're doing so great," he assured her, feeling her nails digging into his neck. "Breathe…" he told her, knowing she wasn't, putting his hands on her hips as she swayed back and forth and he tried to help steady her through the pain. He knew the contraction eased up as her body relaxed a little, and he looked her gently in the eyes, "You are amazing…" he said. "You're gonna have him here soon."

"I can't do it…" her eyes were full of pain and tears. "Maybe I'm too old…or something…but I can't do this. My body isn't working right."

"No…" he smiled. "This is hard, Liv. It doesn't matter how old you are. You know that. But Michael needs you to be strong. He needs his mommy."

"I'm tired…" her breathing was heavy and her eyes were red and strained. "I can't…"

"Do you wanna go back to your room?" he asked, gently. "Maybe rest a little?" But before she could answer, another contraction hit and all he could do was hold her up and try to help her breathe through it. "Here…push against me…" He reached his hands out and let her press her palms against his while she leaned forward, groaning loudly. He knew she was in pain…he'd expected it…but seeing her like this left him shaking with nerves. As much as he tried to stay positive for her sake, he was scared she really couldn't do this. "I've got you…" he reminded her. "You're doing great."

The pain began to ease, and she looked at him painfully, "Help me…" she pleaded. "I can't do this…"

"Okay…" Ed held her close and tried to walk her back to her room before another contraction took over. "I'm here, Liv. You're going to be fine. I promise…"

Another four hours, and the baby had yet to make his arrival. Olivia was worse for the wear and Ed was frazzled. Fin had called three times in the last few hours, assuring him that Noah was fine, and that he'd just called to check on Olivia. Speaking softly into the phone, Ed finally admitted to him that he was worried. Even with so many strong contractions, she wasn't dilating like they'd expected, and now the baby's vitals were all over the place, and they'd forced her to labor completely on her left side to try to regulate his heartbeat, which thankfully seemed to be working, but Olivia was pale and weak. She wasn't even crying out in pain anymore. She was defeated physically and emotionally.

"Mr. Tucker…" the doctor's voice brought him back from his thoughts as he hung up from the call with Fin and he looked up. "Can we speak outside, please?"

Ed nodded, following the doctor out into the hall and he looked at her with apprehension. "She's not okay, is she?" he asked, a lump in his throat as he let the words escape his lips, and tears ran down his cheeks. "God…I let myself think things were going to be okay. I told her things were going to be okay…"

"She's having a hard labor," the doctor told him. "It's not uncommon…especially at her age…but…"

"But what?" Ed knew he sounded argumentative and at this point he didn't care. "We've been here almost eight hours and she can't handle the pain anymore. It's killing her…have you even looked at her? I've never seen her like that…"

"Mr. Tucker…" the doctor remained calm. "I know you're worried. Lots of women have long labors…much longer than eight hours. So, try not to worry. But, that said…I know she's not tolerating labor well right now. I think it's time we consider surgery…a c-section is never my first choice, but the baby has been in distress and Olivia's blood pressure is all over the place…the sooner we get your son out, the sooner we can work on stabilizing Olivia."

"Will they be okay?" Ed's voice shook as he spoke. "I mean…Liv is so weak now…"

The doctor nodded, "I think this is the best option for both of them."

"Can I be with her?" he asked nervously. "I don't want her to be alone."

"Of course," the doctor gave a weak smile.

"Let me tell her…" Ed said, more assertively. He knew Olivia hadn't wanted surgery, but he also knew she was in no position to argue now. Still he wanted to news to come from him, from a place a love and assurance, instead of fear, and as hard as it would be to pretend like he wasn't scared to death, he knew he could be strong for her.

He wiped the tears from his cheeks and cleared his throat as he walked into her room. Olivia was clutching the side rails of the bed, her eyes closed tight as she worked through the latest contraction. The monitor beeped with the baby's rapid heartbeat. He grabbed a damp cloth from the side table and carefully dabbed her sweaty forehead as she came out of the contraction. "Hey…" he whispered, sitting next to her. "I'm here…I'm sorry I left to talk to the doctor."

"Ed…" her voice was barely audible. "Is Noah okay? Fin called…"

Ed gave a sad smile. Leave it to Olivia to be concerned about her toddler while going through labor. "He's fine," he promised. "Just waiting to hear that he's a big brother. Fin was calling to check on you."

"I don't feel right…" she admitted. "Something's wrong…"

Ed grabbed her hand and held it tight, "The doctor said your blood pressure is inconsistent. It gets high…and then drops. She wants to do a c-section, Liv. Get Mikey out so you can feel better…I know you didn't want that, but…"

"Okay…" she gave in easily. "I just…I need this to be over…" she cried.

Ed leaned forward, kissing her softly on the forehead. "It's gonna be okay. I'm going to be with you…and we're gonna meet our little boy very soon." She nodded, another contraction taking precedence over their conversation and he did his best to help her breathe.

Ed sat next to his wife as he watched them drape a blue, plastic sheet around her. She was in less pain now, the anesthesia numbing her body so she was no longer feeling the contractions. Her dark hair was pulled back into a clear plastic cap and he couldn't help but think she suddenly looked much older than her forty-eight years. She didn't look like the excited mother-to-be, awaiting the arrival of her new baby. Instead, she looked frail…even old…and he had to force the thought from his mind that he'd been right when they first found out she was pregnant. This had been a risk that they shouldn't have taken. What if he lost her? What if she couldn't make it through this? He couldn't raise two little boys on his own.

"I'm fine…" her voice stumbled groggily and he looked down at her with a smile.

"I know you are," he agreed. "I know…it won't be long now."

"No…Ed…" she said seriously. "I really am fine. Don't worry…okay? I promise…"

"I'm not worried," he lied, swallowing the painful lump in his throat. "I love you, Liv. Please know that…I love you so much."

She nodded slightly, tears stinging her eyes, "I know, Ed. I love you too." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, and it took all her energy to force a weak smile. "You're a good dad…" she said. "The boys are lucky. Being scared, doesn't mean you're not a good dad…okay?"

He didn't know what to say, so he just nodded.

"Okay, Olivia…" the doctor's voice was serious but calm. "You're going to feel some pressure…and some pulling…" Olivia closed her eyes, breathing slowly as she felt the odd sensation in her lower body. After a few short minutes, the doctor spoke again, "Allright, we're pulling him out…" And Olivia instinctively groaned at the tugging feeling.

"Can you see him?" she asked, trying to turn her head so she could get a glimpse at her son.

"Not yet," Ed told her, but then the doctor raised the tiny boy up over the sheet and Ed stared into his scrunched up, purple face. "Oh my God…" was all he could muster, as the baby let out a sharp squeal of a cry.

"Is he okay?" Olivia asked. "I can't see him very well."

"I'm going to cut the cord," the doctor said, knowing it was something fathers looked forward to, but during an emergency c-section the hospital didn't allow it, "But I'll let his daddy hold him in just a second…and he can bring him over so you can see him, Mommy…" The baby's wail became more shrill as the nurse grabbed him, wrapping him in a white blanket and bringing him to Ed.

Ed felt his whole body shaking as the nurse put the tiny bundle in his arms, "Oh my God…" he said again, not finding any other words. This was the smallest baby he'd ever seen…much smaller than his daughter had been at birth, and he was scared he'd hurt him some how. "Liv…" he shuffled slowly back to her side and sat down, "He's so small…"

Olivia slowly reached her hand up, rubbing her finger across her son's cheek, "He's beautiful…" she cried. "He's perfect."

"Yeah…" Ed agreed. He looked up at the nurse, "Isn't he too small? He's a month early."

"He has good color…and he's crying…" the nurse smiled. "I think he's fine. We'll give you a few minutes and then we'll weigh him and clean him up. Congratulations."

"I want to hold him," Olivia said. "When can I hold him?"

"We have to get the placenta out and get you all stitched up. It'll take a while…half an hour or more," The nurse said seriously. "But once you're all fixed up, you can hold him as much as you want. I promise…"

"I can't believe he's here…" Ed mumbled, staring down at his son's blue-gray eyes and delicate nose. "Liv…I just…I can't believe you did this…he's so perfect."

" _We_ did this…" she reminded him, closing her eyes with exhaustion and then forcing them back open. "He looks just like you."

"He kind of does…" Ed laughed a little. "It's surreal. I just…" he leaned forward, kissing her once more and then carefully kissing his son's cheek. "I just can't believe our little Mikey Tucker is finally here."

"Michael Edward Tucker…" Olivia said softly. "I want that to be his name."

"You sure?" Ed asked, honored by the thought that his son would share his name.

"Yeah…it's his name…"she leaned over and he put the baby closer to her so she could kiss him. "I love you, Mikey…so, so much."

Ed walked into the cafeteria, grabbing a quick coffee and then taking it outside, sitting on a bench. It was dark and clear, and the cold air seemed to wake him up even though he was exhausted from the events of the past several hours. Olivia had been allowed to hold the baby once her surgery was complete, and it had been amazing watching the woman he loved cuddling the child they'd created together. Then they both fell asleep, and the nurse had assured him it would be good to go take a little break. He had phone calls to make, but first he needed a strong cup of coffee and a cigarette. He lit the cigarette, taking a long drag, and looking up at the No Smoking sign…and remembered the last time he'd been here…the day they found out Olivia was pregnant. He'd ignored the sign then, not caring that while his world was falling apart that the hospital was trying to force him to adhere to their guidelines of health. He'd promised Olivia over and over again that he'd quit…and he had cut down, not wanting Noah to see him smoking or notice the smell on him, but now he tossed the cigarette down on the cement and smashed it with his shoe. His family needed him. He was in his mid-fifties with a toddler and a newborn, a woman who loved him…and while he felt he didn't deserve any of them, he knew they deserved his best.

He walked back inside and took the elevator up to Olivia's room. He sat his coffee on the nightstand, and watched her chest rise and fall with even breaths as she slept. Then he heard the baby start to fuss, and rushed over to his isolette, quickly picking him up before his cries woke Olivia. "Hey little man…" he whispered, holding the baby close to him and swaying back and forth. "What's the matter?" He smiled when the baby scrunched up his nose, because no matter how much everyone agreed that the baby looked like him, that particular face looked just like Olivia. "We have to let Mommy sleep…" he whispered. "She's tired…you put her through quite an ordeal…" He sat down, holding the baby close to him. The nurse had said he weighed six and a half pounds, a decent weight for thirty-five weeks…but Ed still thought he was the tiniest baby he'd even seen. His little blue cap was loose, falling off his head and Ed didn't bother to put it back on. Instead, he ran his finger along the baby's dark hair and smiled. Olivia moaned slightly, and he looked up to see she was still asleep, in spite of the noise. "I think Mommy's gonna be out for a while," Ed spoke softly. "You really did a number on her, little one. But I know she'd do it all over again for you. She loves you…so, so much. You're her dream come true…" his eyes stung with tears. "And you're mine too…" he leaned back and closed his eyes, holding the baby close against his chest, overwhelmed with emotion. He hadn't wanted this…he'd fought it…and yet in the here and now, he couldn't imagine anything else.

 _ **More soon (or sometime...not sure how soon, soon will be)**_


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